Category Archives: In Your Face
Being authentic is one of my codes of conduct; I don’t want to be perfect, I just want to be real.
the destructive power of assumptions.
Those who follow my blog and know me personally would remember my association with Dercum’s disease, a collection of fatty deposits all over my body. I went for my routine (every 6-9 months) check-up today and it left a deep enough impression to blog about. I spent the chunk of my day with Keith Yeo and I was glad he was there to witness what happened.
A quick background – each check-up costs about $70 and lasts no more than five minutes. Today, I arrived on time and waited 40 minutes before I was served. And I was done within one minute – Keith’s surprised expression when I exited the room verified the swift consultation that just transpired. While I was treated by the best in the business, today’s check-up amounted to $65, or about $1 per second. Cut throat? You tell me.
I walked to the counter and was ready to pay, but as I took out my wallet, I felt uncomfortable – that’s not cost-effective at all! I spent all that time waiting to be told something that I already knew from the last visit – that regrowth is normal and that I should wait for a lot more lumps to grow before I decide upon another operation. So I decided to walk back to the room to perhaps, negotiate with the doctor.
I knocked on the door gently as there was another patient in the room but the nurse curtly shooed me away. The way she told me to take a seat was rude and unnecessary but I tolerated it and waited as instructed. A couple of minutes later, the patient left the room and I entered it.
Before I could even present my case, the doctor suddenly became extremely defensive and started to put words in my mouth.
“If you feel it’s a waste of your time, you can drop the case immediately.”
“If you want a subsidised price, you can close this case and reapply through a polyclinic.”
“If you think that I’m overcharging you, you can always change a doctor.”
And all these were fired at me before I could even utter a word.
Now, I was caught off guard because this wasn’t the doctor whom I’ve interacted with for the past three consultations. And certainly neither professional nor acceptable for a man of his stature. I was taken aback and I stopped him in his tracks.
“Doctor, why are you putting words in my mouth, when I haven’t said anything at all?”
“Why are you behaving so defensively and taking this so personally?”
“All I wanted to do was to come in here to clarify the fee, but I was quite ready to head out to pay the full amount of this consultation.”
“If anything at all, I don’t think I’m the kind to be unreasonable – I just needed to hear an explanation.”
“Why did you jump to so many conclusions before I even asked you anything?”
“I think you should have a word with your staff about the things she told you before I came in…”
I think I must have caught him off guard too, with the way I retorted his (baseless) accusations. And I think he didn’t see that coming from someone who’s probably half his age. He composed himself after a couple of more defensive statements and I remember counting three verbal apologies from him; it was a professional apology though, not a genuine one. But I decided to be gracious about it so that he had some space to 下台 (retreat).
I couldn’t help but to assume three preconceived ideas he had before our little exchange:
- his nurse fed him with the wrong information
- he felt that I was about to attack him professionally and personally
- he probably had a bad day
I left the room feeling confused but something that annoyed me more was the injustice that I experienced. I felt maligned. I believe the medical staff owe me an apology. I was surprised though, that I didn’t lose my temper during the exchange. Instead, I spoke calmly, gently yet assertively. I asked the Spirit to help me respond like Jesus. Still, I left the hospital feeling 不爽 (unsatisfied).
On my way home after leaving Keith, I brought this before the Lord and asked Him to help me make sense of it. I haven’t heard from Him but I am glad that in my anger, I did not sin. Conversely speaking, I’m proud of my conduct and my reaction in the aftermath.
So this is what I am going to do now… I’m going to write this doctor an email to affirm him of my appreciation of his skills and expertise, make him reflect upon his (regrettable, haha) words and actions, close this incident, ask for his composed response to what happened today and tell him I look forward to see him again two years later at my next appointment with him.
Finally (and this is where you can join me), I am going to pray that this would lead to a divine opportunity for me to share the Gospel with him. Of course, I may not get a reply, but if you never ask, you never know.
have you considered switching lenses?
This entry is referenced from the book of Haggai, where we observe two types of workers in the church. The older ones had probably experienced some form of glory days before. Hence it would be natural for them to:
- Look backwards towards good old days
- Reminisce past memories
- Remember what it used to be, and
- Relive history
More often than not, this constant comparison would leave them disappointed and disillusioned. The younger ones, however, are anticipating their own days of glory. Hence you would expect them to:
- Look forward towards new beginnings
- Be out to create new memories
- Imagine what it could be, and
- Want to make history
So this would naturally result in them being energised and driven. The difference was that the younger ones caught sight of the future – a glimpse of greatness and a flash of hope! So I believe that at the end of the day, in light of positivity or negativity which would inevitably happen around us, it boils down to perspective!
Ed Silvoso once said, “The greatest hindrance to faith is not unbelief but memories.” I concur. Our memories can indeed become hindrances and limitations to what God can do because we have a tendency to repeat positives and avoid negatives. This causes us to be reluctant to embrace new ideas and initiatives. Let’s not get caught in the rearview mirror. We must learn to honour the past, cherish the present and anticipate the future. It’s not our past that determines our future but God’s presence.
My favourite footballer, Eric Cantona (whom I saw in person just last week!) once said this, after he returned from an eight-month ban from kung-fu kicking a fan who verbally abused him – “I use the past to breed a better future.” We must not compare the former R-AGE, e-Gigs, camps, conferences or any other events (or even people!) with the future R-AGE. Every year is different and quite rightly so! Instead, we must look forward to the future with hope and expect that God will bring us from glory to glory.
For the older ones – don’t dishearten the younger ones… And for the younger ones – set an example for your leaders by inspiring and motivating them with your energy! When the energy of the young and the experience of the old comes together, the youth group becomes a powerful place.
Instead of comparing today with what happened in the past, the older ones must instead:
- Remind the youths of their heritage
- Encourage them
- Rely on their strength, and
- Not be wet blankets and water down their passion
Most importantly, they must provide a platform for God’s purposes to be performed through the younger ones. In turn, the younger ones must approach the elders this way:
- Remind them of their destiny
- Enthuse them
- Glean from their wisdom, and
- Not be foolish and ignore the advice of the older ones
One of the best thing they could do for themselves would be to approach the older ones to be mentored by them so that God’s purposes in their life could be progressed. The most dangerous thing for us to do is to compromise and meet in the middle – we end up neither here nor there and result in dissatisfaction. We must dream together to birth what God has deposited in our hearts! Remember, it’s all about interchanging our perspective for a better one from God!
ten disjointed thoughts and an attempt to resume writing.
1. Numbness is a clear symptom of pre-burnout; it’s a terrible feeling (paradoxically speaking) not being able to feel. All I asked God for today was to help me love Him with my heart. I have little problems loving Him with my mind, soul and strength or even loving others. But to love God with my emotions seemed like the hardest thing to do. Nonetheless, the key word here, is “pre” and the response to numbness is gratitude of foresight; the insight of foresight.
2. Ever since planning for Rhema 2010 began, everything seemed like a task to and for me. I loathe it when my (rare) desire to dwell in melancholy is overpowered by my choleric temperament to solve problems, disengage and move on. I may not show it, but I hate being unemotional. I hate it, really. It was never like that before when I was younger – what’s happening to me? I have become intolerant to affection and indifferent to sentiment. I must never become irrelevant to the people I love and disinterested in the world that I live in.
3. I experienced a paradigm shift on Monday. I repented before God for being transactional in the way that I related to Him, my mentors and mentorees. It is my deep desire that my relationships with people evolve into transformational journeys, and not just transactional events. I got so annoyed at myself for getting ahead of myself. I must learn to differentiate between form and substance. I must not allow intentionality descend into the abyss of transactions. There’s so much more – I don’t want to settle for anything lesser (with presumptuousness)!
4. This week, I finally caught a glimpse of why Peter Chao and Edmund Chan prizes mentoring relationships above ministry leadership. After spending the evening with DYLM, I understood it; while leading R-AGE to the next level is what I will always aspire to do, being a friend and mentor to my beloved shepherds and mentorees is what I shall desire to be for all my days. And I believe the turning point was this week – when investing into their lives becomes the topmost ministry priority for me; let’s see how God helps me to translate that into action.
5. I’ve completely messed up what “intentional” means. And I’ve shortchanged myself with my mentors and shortchanged my mentorees when they’re with me. Oh Lord, help me to undo what I’ve foolishly done! Humble and help me to learn from this. Intentional is when I take a step back to allow God to use me to minister to people. Intentional is when I seize opportunities. I know I’m speaking in code and only I will decrypt it. Ironically, agenda is the enemy of intentionality. Yes, I have identified my “Peter, James and John”; the journey with them begins now…
6. I could have a hundred mentors and a thousand mentorees, but nobody could ever take the place of each one of them in my heart. It’s not about calendar or content… No one could replace no one. One of the worst feelings in mentoring (or life in general), even though it’s theoretically unhealthy, is the feeling of abandonment. I understand how you felt now because I felt it myself… Now it’s up to me to take the next step towards reconciliation – I know it is about to unfold. Oh God, give me wisdom to repair relationships. People aren’t statistics and mentors aren’t vending machines; I am humbled.
7. I intentionally (URGH – the use of that word fills me with disgust!) rescheduled all my appointments next week because I’m in desperate need of an extended break. Regardless of how invincible I’ve always perceived myself to be, still I couldn’t shake off the emptiness that accompanied the disengagement from an intensive two-month discipleship programme. I gave so much away my tank is almost empty. It happened last year and again it happened this year. I am a fool to think I could have overcome it. (Now I understand why I was compelled to read Wayne Cordeiro’s “Leading On Empty”.) It’s time to recharge.
8. Leading a youth ministry from 80 to 120 people within a year makes any youth pastor swell with pride… But nothing – and I mean it, nothing! – is more satisfying and encouraging than watching my successors take the lead to bless me… This afternoon, they instructed me to sit back, relax and do absolutely nothing tonight – and I did just that. I cannot thank God enough for their deed and gesture. Keith and Yixian, you both are God’s precious gifts to me and I will remember that I am leading a group of youths who love me deeply and want me just as I am. You have honoured me tonight – thank you.
9. I thank God for the parental green light to (at last!) take our relationship to the next level in 2012. I may not have the emotional capacity to respond but cognitively, it’s one of the greatest news I’ve received in a while. What a privilege – thank you for daring to entrust your daughter to me; she is most special because one has ever made me want to love her more than I love myself. You have no idea how much we are looking forward to our union. God has answered our year-long prayer; He is faithful indeed!
10. I really hope to commence, complete and continue my theological education at Fuller Seminary and I am truly convinced that it will come to pass one day…
ten dominant thoughts to sleep on.
1. REAL 2011 is likely to be my final batch; I must treasure my remaining time with them and be thankful instead of being frustrated or disappointed.
2. I look forward to heading the youth conference this year-end with a team of youth leaders. Things will change – I guarantee revolution, no less.
3. I will never stop believing in young people; if you don’t – that’s your problem – don’t make it mine; I see potential differently from the way you do.
4. While youth ministers must get comfortable with going the extra mile and not receiving any appreciation for it, it doesn’t mean they should get used to it.
5. Which is worse – realising that you are not putting in your best or realising that your best is simply not good enough? Shortchange or sub-standards?
6. So, I am mildly stressed – with the coming mission trip, a potentially life-changing meal and my first evangelistic sermon this Saturday. Lord, how?
7. I’m dichotomous when it comes to friendship – fiercely loyal to those whom I love and have scant regard to those whom I’ve lost respect for.
8. I joined full-time ministry to do pastoral work, not administration; God, I need mercy and patience for incompetency, inadequacy and incompatibility.
9. The antithesis of my life – apathy, superficiality and doubting young people – I don’t want to be associated with these traits or people who possess it.
10. Good is the enemy of great; don’t ever settle, get complacent or think that you’ve arrived – pride goes before a fall. Always a good reminder for all.
could she be “the one”?
I was a serial crusher.
No, not a destroyer of boys, but a (puppy) lover of girls. During my teenage years, I must have had crushes on practically every girl I laid eyes on, so long as they were pleasant-looking. Yes, I admit I was shallow. You mean, you never were? (:
I’m pretty sure Lionel remembers how I used to daftly declare to him, every time I got attached, “She’s the one” or “This time, it’s real”. He must have gotten so immune to these proclamations because he patronised me all the time. We laugh it off whenever we talk about it now, but back then when my hormones were raging, I really believed myself when I made those mindless declarations.
I wanted to get attached to every single girl that I had a crush on and marry every single girl that I dated. Crazy, I know. So thank God it didn’t happen, otherwise, I’d never get to be with the lovely and irreplaceable Huiyi. (:
Well, as I stand on the horizon of marriage, it got me thinking about that statement – “She’s the one”. And I wonder how many of you actually believe in that – that there’s ONE person out that who is set apart for you and that you should spend your whole life waiting for or pursuing THAT one.
Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as “The One”. It’s an absolutely ludicrous statement to make.
Think about it, all it takes is for ONE person to screw up and everyone else would end up being with SOMEONE else besides the ONE that’s set apart for them. For example, if Ah Beng is destined to be the ONE for Ah Lian but breaks up with her, and Ah Lian begins to date Ah Seng while Ah Beng ends up with Ah Huay, then the ONE whom Ah Huay and Ah Seng was supposed to be with will never end up with Ah Huay and Ah Seng respectively! (Get it?)
It just takes ONE wrong combination and the entire universe would be in complete chaos; this entire world would be mismatched! Can you imagine being with someone else’s ONE? Eeeks – it would be a disaster!
Hence, it’s utter rubbish that there’s ONE person out there for you, so stop your search for that elusive ONE.
HOWEVER… Once you get married, your spouse immediately becomes THE ONE. I’m not God and so it’d be presumptuous and arrogant for me to declare, regardless of how confident I am, that Huiyi’s THE ONE for me. I mean, honestly, many things could happen before we tie the knot (and both of us have never take our relationship for granted). But once we exchange matrimonial vows, we immediately become THE ONE for each other. And our mission, once we share the same surname, is to continue to make each other THE ONE for each other. (Get it?)
So think about it, if you haven’t already. Stop your search for THE ONE. (This ridiculous treasure hunt has been the cause of many relationship failures. I think it’s especially relevant to committed couples who have dated for a long time – they get sick of each other or one party changes drastically in a short span of time – and they start looking elsewhere, for the greener grass on the other side.) Instead, start BEING the one.
And I promise you, all the right ones will come knocking on your door. The only “one” you’ll think about is whether you “want” to be committed or not.
***
- my new wallet photo!
Today – 22 January 2011, Huiyi and I celebrate 37 months together and the longer we are together, the more committed we are to be THE ONE for each other. So for the 1,126th time, I shall declare it daily – I love you, sweetie, more than yesterday, less than tomorrow. I want to remain committed to this one. (:
the one day i felt inferior.
I shall take a risk to post this entry and put myself on the altar of transparency because I want to give God glory.
***
This afternoon, during project discussion with my RMIT course mates, I saw my former course mate from my Mass Communication days in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. It has been a decade since we were both in the same education institution.
I didn’t dare to say hello to him.
No, it wasn’t because there was bad blood between us or that I disliked him. I avoided him because I felt inferior. Yes, you read it right – INFERIOR. And I don’t normally feel that way. It was a foreign feeling I was certainly not used to. And I didn’t enjoy it one bit.
I think, by any yardstick, I consider myself a man with considerable accomplishments. My professional achievements would look good in any curriculum vitae. After all, I’ve authored and edited books, set up a marketing department from scratch, negotiated significant business deals, organised countless marketplace and ministry events, held leadership positions no matter where I was, and have had overseas working experience.
But I couldn’t hold a candle to this classmate.
He’s a world-class musician who has travelled the globe, wrote a few books himself (and his text is now used in conservatories as part of its curriculum), featured in many media publications, and has studied enough to change his salutation from ‘Mr’ to ‘Dr’.
So while I was discussing project work with my course mates, he was returning to a lecture – because he was the lecturer.
Reality hit me harshly; it became inevitable that I benchmarked myself against him.
My confidence plummeted to an all-day low. It was then I felt the Spirit quietly searching for the location of my security. It was a sobering reminder (and yet a reassurance) that I must hang on to John 15:5, my life verse, with my life.
I texted my soul mate Huiyi and while her reassurances helped to make a difference in the way I felt at that moment, I knew that I was being tested for something far deeper than external comparisons. Am I contented with who I am today and who God has made me to be and do? Honestly, I struggled to say yes; it was a long journey from the head to the heart.
Well, God has a sense of humour. Yes, I’m not a lecturer and I do not teach students in school. But I’m a preacher who has the privilege of shepherding youths in church. I may not have the professional competence of a ‘Dr’, but I have a private calling to be a pastor. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Well, while thinking like that does make me feel better about who I am and what I do (at least temporarily), it’s more important that I remember whose I am and what I’ve been commissioned to do.
Lord, reign in me and rein me in again. I love You, Lord. Not for man’s applause, but for Your approval. Thank You for the encounter today. It tested my resolve and I’m glad You helped me to resolve it. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing; I am absolutely nothing without Christ.
think twice before you reject parental objection (part one).
This is my second attempt at writing a new post for in the original entry, I went on and on, and so out of point that the article just took on a life of its own and became substantial enough for a separate (and totally unrelated) entry. So I shall keep this entry short and sweet, and write about what I had actually intended to post.
Tonight, I shall simply offer a rhetorical question but actually expect different responses:
“Would you rather have parental objection or parental rejection? And why?”
I know the answer is obvious but I want to know why most of us would choose the former. Do share your thoughts with me, if you will. I’m pretty sure some responses would surprise me.
I’d go to the extent of stating that parental objection is a BLESSING; so young people, don’t take parental objection – however annoying, frustrating, constricting and infuriating you may perceive it to be – for granted.
This was the one lingering thought on my mind the entire day. Now, tell me what’s on yours.
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 