Category Archives: Top Ten & Other Lists
top ten ways to encourage someone.
I know that “A pat on the back pushes out the chest”. And I’ve also learnt (and taught) that to “En-courage” someone is to “Put courage into” him. Sometimes, all we need is for someone to believe in us and to be our cheerleader; the older I get, the more I want to be someone else’s cheerleader. Don’t underestimate the power of speaking life into someone else’s life – you might just help him to realise his potential and help him to unlock his capacity to do things beyond what he’s normally capable of doing.
As such, in no order of importance, here are my top ten practical ways to encourage someone:
1. Listen to him intently and be genuinely interested in his life. Learn to draw insights out of him and provide a platform for him to share his heart. Don’t patronise him or brush off what he says but take him seriously. A good encourager listens.
2. Give him feedback whenever you see him in action. Every teachable person would want to learn where he did well and where he could improve in; you could be the difference between his future success and failure. A good encourager coaches.
3. Pray for him whenever you get an opportunity to, whether you’re with him or not. God is more powerful and loves him more than you do and so it’s comforting when you direct his reliance above. A good encourager intercedes.
4. Spend time together because giving him your time is giving him a part of your life. Time is an irreplaceable and irreversible entity, so when you take time to hang out with him, it tells him that he’s important to you. A good encourager avails himself.
5. Find out what he’s been up to (and stalk him online). Subscribe to his blog and read it regularly; whenever possible, check out his activity on social media platforms and leave your comments. A good encourager validates.
6. Message him periodically and randomly. It’s always nice to know that you’re on someone else’s mind; whenever the Holy Spirit brings someone to my mind, I will pray for him and tell him that I’ve done so. A good encourager remembers.
7. Rebuke him whenever necessary, in private. It’s better to tell the truth that hurts rather than the lie that kills. This risk you take may just forge a deeper relationship, and to establish your spiritual authority in his life. A good encourager corrects.
8. Praise him verbally and audibly in front of others. Everyone needs recognition; when you acknowledge his good work publicly, he will be motivated to grow because someone took note of his effort. A good encourager acknowledges effort.
9. Remember what he shared with you from the last session. Those without good memories must learn to make mental notes. If it’s important to him, it should be remembered by you. A good encourager recalls.
10. Bless him with a meal or a gift. It’s about the gesture – be it coffee, a pen, a book, a meal or just a pack of chocolates. People like to receive (but it is better to give than to receive). I tell my youths to pay it forward. A good encourager blesses.
That said, I think one of the most powerful ways to encourage someone is to remind him of his potential – tell him that he can do so much more, and have so much more room for improvement. Inspire him to develop his gifts and talents. Plant an insatiable hunger and thirst in him to grow. Remind him (in a loving manner, of course) that he’s nowhere near his final product. I’ve learnt that this is one of the best ways to stamp out complacency and infuse humility into someone.
But some of you might say, “I always encourage people but nobody encourages me!” It’s true and I shall not deny that there’s not enough encouragement to go around the world. But let me be the first to declare that I encourage people more than I am encouraged, and it has done me a world of wonders. Contrary to popular belief, encouraging others is to our benefit.
Perhaps we can take a paradigm shift and think of it this way instead: 1) our job is to encourage others and 2) our prayer is that God will send someone to encourage us. You see, if enough people achieve part 1, then part 2 will naturally be accomplished. Don’t worry about what you cannot control; instead, focus on what is within your control.
The Greek for Holy Spirit is “Parakletos” and the Greek for Encourage is “Parakaleo”. Para means to be “Called alongside” (someone). And that’s what the Holy Spirit does – to walk beside us. So I’m inclined to think when we encourage someone, we are most like the Holy Spirit.
Yes, it’s that simple if you want to mimic the Holy Spirit – you simply need to encourage someone today. (Do it now!)
continue to pray for R-AGE!
Do keep me in prayer too. 2012 looks to be a massive year with the increased ministry responsibilities, a lack of manpower resources, embarking on my theological education on a part-time basis with a full-time workload, and most importantly, getting married. Lots of transitions… Lots of grace needed… Lots of prayer coveted… May Jesus remain at the centre of it all…
R-AGE goes cold turkey!
Over the weekend, I preached a sermon titled, “Shut Up and Get Out!”. In it, I challenged R-AGE to embark on a social media cold turkey experiment like I did. The purpose of this was to eliminate audio and visual noise and distractions from their lives, so that they can enjoy the benefits of the discipline of silence and solitude, with the ultimate objective of hearing from God.
I gave instructions on this absolute abstinence from all social media platforms including the obvious Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress, Blogspot, YouTube, as well as Instagram and FourSquare. They had to disable email notifications from all these platforms too so that they won’t know what’s going on when they’re not logged in.
I told them to tag or text me when they began so that I could cheer them on. The deadline that I gave was to accomplish this before 31 Dec 2011 and to journal their experience, as well as what they heard from God during those 72 hours. I was initially skeptical on the take-up rate, so I was pleased by surprising response.
Immediately after I closed in prayer, I received an SMS from a youth who declared her fast immediately. Later in the evening, I received an SMS from a youth leader who told me that his two younger brothers and himself have commenced too and instead of a 72-hour fast, they will abstain from social media until the end of the year.
On Facebook, an entire youth cell group decided to fast together – I reckon it must have been their leaders’ initiative. I know a couple of other cells have also decided to go cold turkey together. I’ve also received a few other messages from a few more youths who decided to rise up to the challenge… One dialogue that really tickled me (screenshot pictured below) was a conversation between two 14-year-old boys.
Above and beyond this experiment being an exercise of healthy conformism or making a cool statement, it is my sincere prayer that my young people will understand the power of solitude and how silence may help them to listen out for the still, small voice that Elijah heard in 1 Kings 19 amidst the chaos that surrounded him.
- God is always in control of situations where we think we must intervene in;
- God can manage situations where we thought our input was necessary.
- God can sharpen our observation and listening skills when we refrain from speaking.
- God can bring freshness and depth to our words when we finally say something.
Oh, do remember to let me know if you plan to embark on a social media cold turkey experiment yourself after reading this… I’d love to cheer you on! I can almost guarantee success IF you stick to the abstinence absolutely!
melancholic musings that move me.
I’m always drawn to those who dare to wear their hearts on their sleeves. It shows a certain amount of security and authenticity in a person, and maybe even a fearlessness, knowing that his or her self-worth is fully found in God. I love the way he expresses himself so sincerely in prose and poetry.
However, it takes more than just mental-diarrhoea-rants to actually move and inspire me. And Jaeson Ma has done it. He’s just three years my senior and is an American-born Chinese pastor who also performs as a musician. I heard about his work when I was in Shanghai and decided to check him out when I learnt that he played a part in the salvation story of Vanness Wu (another man I’d love to meet some day).
It’d be great to meet him in person one day – to be able to speak to someone with such a journey as he has must be refreshing. But for now, before I get to rub shoulders with him in a divine appointment, here are some of his blog posts that have struck a chord in my heart:
- 11.11.11
- YOU ARE AMAZING (AMAZING LOVE)
- LOVE ME GOD LOVE ME
- JESUS
- YOUR BEST ATTEMPTS MAY FALL SHORT BUT DON’T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF
- GOD OVER MONEY. CHRIST OVER SELF. SPIRIT OVER FLESH.
- FALLING APART FOR THE GOOD
Jaeson, you inspire me to love and know God more. Thank you.
the five most dangerous types of leaders.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the most refined of leaders and I still have a long way (read: a lifetime) to go before I can say I’ve truly mastered the art of leadership. While I may not be able to come up with a definitive “Five Key Ingredients of Leadership”, I think I might be able to articulate what I deplore about unacceptable leadership.
These are the five pitfalls, failures and dangerous types of leaders that I’ve encountered (and conjured), off the top of my head.
1. The Indecisive Leader.
There is nothing more frustrating for followers than to subjected to a fickle-minded leader with a soft ear; he who seeks to please people instead of standing firm on decisions is he who eventually loses credibility amongst the same people. Once compromise kicks in, the best decision is usually abandoned and no one will benefit in the long run. Leaders must be courageous in their decision-making ability. It is unbelievably demoralising for followers to do double-work to make up for a leader who didn’t do his work properly.
2. The Insecure Leader.
Leaders who are insecure do not plan for succession and are afraid to give their power away. Eventually, their dynasty dies with their departure, their legacy disintegrates with their downfall and their people disperse with their descent. What’s scarier than an insecure leader? A proud one, for he will end up becoming a control freak. Insecure leaders tend to be myopic and never lead beyond themselves. They exist only to build their own name, which will eventually go down with them anyway.
3. The Inscrutable Leader.
If a leader can’t articulate what’s on his mind, it is his sole responsibility to find someone who can help him express his ideas; if a leader refuses to tell people what’s on his mind, then how can he expect his followers to understand where he is taking them? I’m of the humble opinion that all leaders must learn how to communicate effectively. Contrary to popular belief, communication is a skill that can be learnt, not an innate gift. Also, I believe that there is no leader is beyond investigation and no decision beyond scrutiny.
4. The Incompetent Leader.
For any leader to be effective in his undertakings, he must first exhibit a fundamental level of capital and capability. In short, he must be competent at what he does and it would be a bonus if he inspires the people with his knowledge and skills. If a leader is low on skills, it is his onus to do something about his inadequacy. I’d like to think that the saddest thing that could ever happen to a leader is when he is no longer teachable. And as for the adage, I believe that there is no dog too old to be unable to learn a new trick; keep up with the times!
5. The Inactive Leader.
There is nothing more uninspiring than a lazy leader without drive, passion, intensity, hunger and an insatiable appetite to grow and improve. Leaders must always remember that they are leading people, not machines. Once their love for people diminishes, they will start to look at people like commodities to be traded and tossed about. Remember always, love people and use things, not use people and love things. A leader must always carry with him a discontentment with the status quo and an unstoppable desire to develop.
Now, my question for you – are you a dangerous leader?
May I never become what I have described, so help me God.
a sick note’s sick note.
I shall attempt to string some thoughts together as I await the cough medication to take effect and knock me out.
1. In the last 24 hours I have sneezed and blown out so much mucus that the skin of my nose is starting to peel off. My work rate has dipped significantly and that’s discouraging. I am officially a serial Kleenex waster. I need a tissue for my issue.
2. The end of the year is drawing close at a scary pace and with it comes the completion of a two-year succession plan. I fear it as much as I anticipate it. But I take comfort that inadequacy is the beginning of reliance. 1:300 is scary whichever way you look at it.
3. Marriage preparations have been on-the-ball so far and we’re making the first couple of major payments. It’s a test of our financial resources and a trust in His divine providence for our needs. Paying for renovations and the banquet will be the ultimate test.
4. Besides what I do for survival, I’m also working on a few side projects – things that challenge me creatively – that makes me thrive. I concur that I’m indeed a fire-starter, not a flame-fanner. May the Lord grant me the resilience to complete these things.
5. Communication is a two-way process. So what if one can articulate his thoughts but fail to allow others to express theirs? On that note, I’m hoping that I will be able to pick up a couple of tips from Huiyi, no less, on how to be an even better listener.
6. There’s a part of me that cannot wait to embark on my theological education next Fall but the thought of studying and working at the same time (for the next half a decade) is frankly, quite demoralising. The workload will be heavy. I need His future grace.
7. Comparison, contention, conceit and competition can be overcome by celebration and contemplation. One of life’s real test is to be genuinely happy for someone; it’s not as easy as it sounds – you’d be surprised at your inner conversations, if you can hear them.
8. Something that I’ve shared with my mentorees recently is something that I’ve picked up from my mentor: if we operate by our capital (knowledge) and capabilities (skills), we can only bring it as far as we can. Let’s learn to operate from capacity (potential), so that by faith and trust, God can bring it further than we can; sounds strange, but I’d be devastated if one day I’d have fulfilled all my potential – that’d mean that I can longer grow anymore. May my insatiable appetite for growth never diminish.
9. There are days where I just want to abscond to another dimension with Huiyi and live like hermits for the rest of our lives – where our world only contained two of us. I wonder what God thinks of this. Maybe He’s grinning at my musing.
10. I return to the pulpit this weekend with the discipline of silence and solitude; this is quite possibly the hardest sermon I’d preach in this series because I’m always restless and packed with back-to-back activities. Maybe being ill will help me to learn this art.
I like to write. And when I make time to, I feel so much more organised, inspired and energised. I hope I will be able to return to the 2010 Q1 and Q2 days where I was writing almost one post everyday. For now, this will suffice. Writing is cathartic, baby.
primitive means to a deeper connection.
My apologies for the lack of updates. Writing four sermons in consecutive weeks meant that I exhausted my bursts of energy for writing on producing the transcripts. It has been a good albeit tiring experience – personally stretching – and I felt like I’ve grown from it. However, I wouldn’t like to repeat this feat again. Note to self: the optimum is three consecutive weeks, at most.
Over the public holiday, my best friend and I took the opportunity to get away from Singapore. This is the third year running that we’ve gone on such primitive vacations. And there were many highlights to take home. I’ll stick to 15.
- Building a friendship is an intentional decision which requires time and effort – not by default but by design.
- Our friendship has never felt as strong as it does today in the last 14 years. That’s half our lives.
- No camping experience is complete without a campfire, cooking over an open flame and catching crabs.
- It’s better, cleaner and more pleasant to bathe in the ladies toilet. True story.
- Always assume that your buddy forgot to bring toothpaste, soap, shampoo and facial wash.
- During overnight slumber in a tent, one must choose between stuffiness or mosquitoes.
- A good and deep conversation is a gift from God. We praise God for speaking through us.
- A wife who loves her husband to free him up for 12 hours to be with his best friend is a good woman – thanks Jeanie!
- A best friend’s company at St John Island is just about the next best thing when your fiancee is in France.
- Both of us bleed Grace AG. We are passionate about our church and we’re committed to see it fulfill God’s will!
- Since 2009’s trip in Port Dickson, we’ve thought every trip would be our last. It’s wonderful to spend time together like that.
- It is wise to prepare a packing list. We missed out so many crucial items – like insect repellant and wet tissue!
- Speaking without weighing words and from the heart is such a privilege. I praise God for Lionel’s breakthrough!
- My Sanguine connects with Lionel’s Phelgmatic. Can’t wait for our Choleric to work together. We make an awesome team.
- We take nothing from granted. It’s God’s blessing for us to enjoy this moment together. What a friendship to commemorate!
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 