distant… can you hear me?

I am so uninspired tonight yet I am overwhelmed at the same time. I need to sleep – I really do. But there’s so much on my mind, yet I can’t extract any. I need a release…

Distant
by Joey Asher

Need I resort to clambering
My face dragged against the floor
Yet I barely scratch the door to your heart
What must I do to get near you

I’ve contravened myself
And denied all that I’ve held fast to
Your whispers and your scent
They envelope me like a warm blanket

Your sweet blinks embraces me
And sends me into a fury of emotions
My heart fulminates and swells
But my mind etches out to confusion

My prison is my responsibility
Locked away with masticated emotions
Unknowingly involved unwittingly
Strong only as my strongest weakness

I pine to leave my quiescence
To step into action
To prove to you that all I want is all you are
And all I need is what you have

Inconspicuously, this prose reveals much
The overwhelming myriad of sensations
And the dichotomy of which leaves me in dire conditions
Akin to an antidote-less jet-lag, time might exact her healing authority

To wait, to deliberate
It forms the leitmotif of our song
To anticipate the moment
Where I lay bare my heart before you

A relentless quest breeds dauntlessness
And an abandoned fear of mockery inspires valour
Significance is lost when a mismatch transpires
Knowledge of my fondness for you remains abed

Reaching out, my troubled heart for hire
And bruised mind laced with reckless desire
An effrontery effort would repel
Yet it might resolve to be my bravest act

The bellicose strife of battles resides in my head
Tossed between making sense of it all
And the birth of these feelings – which is harder
A nebbish would not reconcile

Being near you comforts me
Being with you is my delirium
You send me into whirlpools of joy
And you are also the sanctum of my troubled soul

I have failed in umpteen attempts
To practise my practice and to refrain from contradiction
Lest amicability be misunderstood
To guard against an indurated pursuit

Uncertainty remains my greatest enemy
Yet it coexists as my immense epilogue
A prized trophy or a cherished race – I chose the latter
But my levity defies my determination

The day will arrive
The hour when my pain is palliated
I’ll search for you and keep you close
And treasure you with all I’ve got

These words are birthed in the atelier of my heart
And they have been since the distant March
I’ve lost control of my affection for you
Exiled dangerously in an investigated unknown

It couldn’t have been as touche as this
The gravitas of the situation herein lies
When I boldly declare my love for you
Greater than my fear without you

I’d sacrifice my reputation
And have it reduced to a lumpen state
If that would draw you to me
I’d gladly be a clown for you

Rejection shuns and shuts me out
A camouflaged backlash aggresses inaction
Proving that unrequited loving from a distance
Is easier than a spurn from close proximity

My incipient hopes may vanish
But it doesn’t cease my love for you
The object of my happiness
To see yours fulfilled

Through countless dawns, moons and seasons
I’d hold on and persist quixotically
The present may gratify more than an secret future
My biggest regret would to lose you without trying

Losing three was hard enough
To squander another would be disastrously jeremiad
I will parse my motives
And overcome fatality with wayworn obstinacy

Your reciprocation may seem perfunctory
But it’s a response nonetheless
At least I have your attention
Even for a while, even for a little short while

Advertisements

About Joey Asher Tan

Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing; I am absolutely nothing without Christ.

Posted on July 9, 2010, in A Walk To Remember, Creative Expressions, Extraordinary Mundane, In Your Face and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Hello Mr.joey,
    just happened to pass by….this particular piece is just brilliant, i mean i can actually feel whats going on in your mind!!! simply amazing….

  2. wow Brother Joey, simply amazing, i could never imagine how deep the post really is.
    extraordinary man :)
    The Lord is With you always. Always. :)

    on a side note, i think i don’t understand about almost all the words you used here, so i would imagine the intensity of the feelings you are holding through these bombastic words :) i think i should take some time to analyse this post hahaha.

    Love your blog and your writing
    and i thank the Lord that its you who is writing :)
    God Bless you brother Joey!

    • hi lucas. the weight is sometimes unbearable though and there are days where i wished i didn’t feel so overloaded emotionally. thanks for your encouragement. i will keep writing as long as the Spirit keeps inspiring. God bless you too and see you this weekend. (:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: