As the deer pants for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.

I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I come and stand before him?

Day and night, I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”

My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks—
it was the sound of a great celebration!

Why am I discouraged?
Why so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember your kindness—
from Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.

I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.

Through each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

“O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forsaken me?
Why must I wander in darkness,
oppressed by my enemies?”

Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

Why am I discouraged?
Why so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42
(New Living Translation)

***

Deliver me, O Lord, and quench my thirst.
I long for You, who gives me life and quells my unrest.

How can I trust when I do not understand Your plan?
How can I heal when I cannot identify the pain?

My heart is bruised, broken and berated;
My soul cries out for Your presence, for it is there I find my solace.

I clench my fist to subdue a restless spirit;
There is no rest when anger resides.

Neither words, wealth, nor warmth could ever take Your place of worship.
I hunger for Your touch and Your lamp that lights my path.

The core of my being unfetters a silent scream;
I struggle all day with emptiness and a void that consumes me.

Deliver me, O Lord, and quench my thirst.
I long for You, who gives me life and quells my unrest.

You lead me into unknown valleys and bravely I charge in.
But has darkness become my dwelling place?

I seek help but there is no man who comprehends my agony;
Is that the catalyst of my condition? Therefore, I contemplate.

I embrace powerlessness much to my chagrin;
Where is the way out? No, where is the way in?

You examine my hypocrisy and scrutinise my honour.
Meaningless – all this is absurd if we have no love.

You expose my iniquities and stifle my impulses.
To love is to discipline – show me Your firm hand.

Deliver me, O Lord, and quench my thirst.
I long for You, who gives me life and quells my unrest.

Why is discouragement hung upon my countenance?
I explore its intimidating inhibitions and find no answer still.

My tears won’t arrive – a sentencing without bail;
I fear I may spiral deeper and deeper into a disinterested routine.

Where is the fullness of joy that has been dislocated from my being?
I’ve trudged through worship and prayer, but failed to find an assuage.

I am neither exhausted nor extinguished; I did not envision this condition.
Will this be an insurmountable pinnacle of fantod? I dare not imagine.

Worldly pleasures all forsaken, yet divine delight remains difficult to discover.
My only inclination, my earnest prayer – is to tarry in Your presence.

Deliver me, O Lord, and quench my thirst.
I long for You, who gives me life and quells my unrest.

“Undelivered” | JAT
1st September 2010, 17:49