the destructive power of assumptions.
Those who follow my blog and know me personally would remember my association with Dercum’s disease, a collection of fatty deposits all over my body. I went for my routine (every 6-9 months) check-up today and it left a deep enough impression to blog about. I spent the chunk of my day with Keith Yeo and I was glad he was there to witness what happened.
A quick background – each check-up costs about $70 and lasts no more than five minutes. Today, I arrived on time and waited 40 minutes before I was served. And I was done within one minute – Keith’s surprised expression when I exited the room verified the swift consultation that just transpired. While I was treated by the best in the business, today’s check-up amounted to $65, or about $1 per second. Cut throat? You tell me.
I walked to the counter and was ready to pay, but as I took out my wallet, I felt uncomfortable – that’s not cost-effective at all! I spent all that time waiting to be told something that I already knew from the last visit – that regrowth is normal and that I should wait for a lot more lumps to grow before I decide upon another operation. So I decided to walk back to the room to perhaps, negotiate with the doctor.
I knocked on the door gently as there was another patient in the room but the nurse curtly shooed me away. The way she told me to take a seat was rude and unnecessary but I tolerated it and waited as instructed. A couple of minutes later, the patient left the room and I entered it.
Before I could even present my case, the doctor suddenly became extremely defensive and started to put words in my mouth.
“If you feel it’s a waste of your time, you can drop the case immediately.”
“If you want a subsidised price, you can close this case and reapply through a polyclinic.”
“If you think that I’m overcharging you, you can always change a doctor.”
And all these were fired at me before I could even utter a word.
Now, I was caught off guard because this wasn’t the doctor whom I’ve interacted with for the past three consultations. And certainly neither professional nor acceptable for a man of his stature. I was taken aback and I stopped him in his tracks.
“Doctor, why are you putting words in my mouth, when I haven’t said anything at all?”
“Why are you behaving so defensively and taking this so personally?”
“All I wanted to do was to come in here to clarify the fee, but I was quite ready to head out to pay the full amount of this consultation.”
“If anything at all, I don’t think I’m the kind to be unreasonable – I just needed to hear an explanation.”
“Why did you jump to so many conclusions before I even asked you anything?”
“I think you should have a word with your staff about the things she told you before I came in…”
I think I must have caught him off guard too, with the way I retorted his (baseless) accusations. And I think he didn’t see that coming from someone who’s probably half his age. He composed himself after a couple of more defensive statements and I remember counting three verbal apologies from him; it was a professional apology though, not a genuine one. But I decided to be gracious about it so that he had some space to 下台 (retreat).
I couldn’t help but to assume three preconceived ideas he had before our little exchange:
- his nurse fed him with the wrong information
- he felt that I was about to attack him professionally and personally
- he probably had a bad day
I left the room feeling confused but something that annoyed me more was the injustice that I experienced. I felt maligned. I believe the medical staff owe me an apology. I was surprised though, that I didn’t lose my temper during the exchange. Instead, I spoke calmly, gently yet assertively. I asked the Spirit to help me respond like Jesus. Still, I left the hospital feeling 不爽 (unsatisfied).
On my way home after leaving Keith, I brought this before the Lord and asked Him to help me make sense of it. I haven’t heard from Him but I am glad that in my anger, I did not sin. Conversely speaking, I’m proud of my conduct and my reaction in the aftermath.
So this is what I am going to do now… I’m going to write this doctor an email to affirm him of my appreciation of his skills and expertise, make him reflect upon his (regrettable, haha) words and actions, close this incident, ask for his composed response to what happened today and tell him I look forward to see him again two years later at my next appointment with him.
Finally (and this is where you can join me), I am going to pray that this would lead to a divine opportunity for me to share the Gospel with him. Of course, I may not get a reply, but if you never ask, you never know.
have you considered switching lenses?
This entry is referenced from the book of Haggai, where we observe two types of workers in the church. The older ones had probably experienced some form of glory days before. Hence it would be natural for them to:
- Look backwards towards good old days
- Reminisce past memories
- Remember what it used to be, and
- Relive history
More often than not, this constant comparison would leave them disappointed and disillusioned. The younger ones, however, are anticipating their own days of glory. Hence you would expect them to:
- Look forward towards new beginnings
- Be out to create new memories
- Imagine what it could be, and
- Want to make history
So this would naturally result in them being energised and driven. The difference was that the younger ones caught sight of the future – a glimpse of greatness and a flash of hope! So I believe that at the end of the day, in light of positivity or negativity which would inevitably happen around us, it boils down to perspective!
Ed Silvoso once said, “The greatest hindrance to faith is not unbelief but memories.” I concur. Our memories can indeed become hindrances and limitations to what God can do because we have a tendency to repeat positives and avoid negatives. This causes us to be reluctant to embrace new ideas and initiatives. Let’s not get caught in the rearview mirror. We must learn to honour the past, cherish the present and anticipate the future. It’s not our past that determines our future but God’s presence.
My favourite footballer, Eric Cantona (whom I saw in person just last week!) once said this, after he returned from an eight-month ban from kung-fu kicking a fan who verbally abused him – “I use the past to breed a better future.” We must not compare the former R-AGE, e-Gigs, camps, conferences or any other events (or even people!) with the future R-AGE. Every year is different and quite rightly so! Instead, we must look forward to the future with hope and expect that God will bring us from glory to glory.
For the older ones – don’t dishearten the younger ones… And for the younger ones – set an example for your leaders by inspiring and motivating them with your energy! When the energy of the young and the experience of the old comes together, the youth group becomes a powerful place.
Instead of comparing today with what happened in the past, the older ones must instead:
- Remind the youths of their heritage
- Encourage them
- Rely on their strength, and
- Not be wet blankets and water down their passion
Most importantly, they must provide a platform for God’s purposes to be performed through the younger ones. In turn, the younger ones must approach the elders this way:
- Remind them of their destiny
- Enthuse them
- Glean from their wisdom, and
- Not be foolish and ignore the advice of the older ones
One of the best thing they could do for themselves would be to approach the older ones to be mentored by them so that God’s purposes in their life could be progressed. The most dangerous thing for us to do is to compromise and meet in the middle – we end up neither here nor there and result in dissatisfaction. We must dream together to birth what God has deposited in our hearts! Remember, it’s all about interchanging our perspective for a better one from God!
top ten reasons for not exercising.
I had fun coming up with this list! Which reason(s) excuse(s) do you always use?
- “I have a huge/ major/ important exam/ test/ appointment/ presentation/ meeting/ date today/ tomorrow.”
- “I didn’t sleep enough the night before.”
- “I don’t feel like it because it’s my, erm, time of the month (I’m convinced some guys get it too!).”
- “The weather today is too hot/ wet/ cold/ sunny/ humid/ nice so I better stay home.”
- “It’s unsafe to run so early/ late.”
- “My mother/ father/ (insert family member) doesn’t allow.”
- “It just doesn’t feel right today.”
- “The gym is too expensive/ far/ crowded/ smelly/ noisy/ filled with gay people.”
- “My muscles are still aching/ recovering from the last run/ week/ month/ year.”
- “Outside got ghost.”
if I’m really the way and the truth, I will lose my life.
Reality is a social construct – if we keep reinforcing a particular idea through the media and society, it becomes a reality; adjudged reality becomes present deceit and prolonged deceit becomes a fortified idea – even if the original idea is untrue! For example, popular sitcoms like FRIENDS or How I Met Your Mother promote pre-marital and casual sex. Over a decade, a practice that was once frowned upon by society has become acceptable to us – because it’s delivered through entertainment. Another example would be the lifestyles of Adam Lambert or Ellen DeGeneres amongst many other Hollywood celebrities, who are public about their sexual orientation. Over the years, a way of life that was once a taboo and biblically wrong has become tolerated and even embraced by most – because it’s endorsed by popular figures.
On a level close to home, being competitive and cutting each other’s throat in the name of academic excellence may have also cornered us to live and behave in a way that is not pleasing in God’s eyes. Yet we still continue to practise this way of getting ahead of one another because “everyone else is also doing it”. The result of this? Misplaced priorities which stem from an erroneous beliefs system. I know of many who engage in decadent activities even when they know it’s wrong and (eventually) meaningless, because fun is the highest priority of their life. But the end of the day, they still feel empty. Eventually, we will be caught in a state of repeated lack and dissatisfaction, where unmet expectations and a lack of fulfillment leaves us in a terribly frustrated state.
Through the many things that we pursue in this lifetime, we can choose to either build God’s house or our own… Unless we make God’s house our house! Are the things we build in this life for God to take pleasure in or for us to seek solace in? Where’s our focus – on our lives or on the God of our lives? We must examine ourselves and investigate our motives – be it at home, work, school or ministry. (I digress, but doing all four simultaneously is leaving me drained and tired.) Whose will are you pursuing – God’s or yours? Who will you believe and take reference from – God or the world?
And how will you know unless you spend time with the Lord? From my humble experiences, the root of all disillusionment and disorientation always stems from a lack of quality time (not quiet time) with the Lord. It has happened to me before (and it’s happening now, again); we must not lose sight of the purpose behind the passion. Benny Ho said this – “You don’t get what you should get because you don’t do what you should do!” I thought about it for a little while and drew the next conclusive statement… “You don’t know what you should do because you don’t know who you should know!”
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. (Proverbs 9:10)
Are you short-changing God when you serve Him? Do you often give more attention, time, energy and resources to the office or school? You can, don’t get me wrong – in fact, you must do your best in your work and studies – but you cannot and must not give God any lesser than what you give to school or work. After all, God gave you the best – Jesus Christ – and eternal life! May we always invite the Spirit to investigate our ways and point us back to God!
ten disjointed thoughts and an attempt to resume writing.
1. Numbness is a clear symptom of pre-burnout; it’s a terrible feeling (paradoxically speaking) not being able to feel. All I asked God for today was to help me love Him with my heart. I have little problems loving Him with my mind, soul and strength or even loving others. But to love God with my emotions seemed like the hardest thing to do. Nonetheless, the key word here, is “pre” and the response to numbness is gratitude of foresight; the insight of foresight.
2. Ever since planning for Rhema 2010 began, everything seemed like a task to and for me. I loathe it when my (rare) desire to dwell in melancholy is overpowered by my choleric temperament to solve problems, disengage and move on. I may not show it, but I hate being unemotional. I hate it, really. It was never like that before when I was younger – what’s happening to me? I have become intolerant to affection and indifferent to sentiment. I must never become irrelevant to the people I love and disinterested in the world that I live in.
3. I experienced a paradigm shift on Monday. I repented before God for being transactional in the way that I related to Him, my mentors and mentorees. It is my deep desire that my relationships with people evolve into transformational journeys, and not just transactional events. I got so annoyed at myself for getting ahead of myself. I must learn to differentiate between form and substance. I must not allow intentionality descend into the abyss of transactions. There’s so much more – I don’t want to settle for anything lesser (with presumptuousness)!
4. This week, I finally caught a glimpse of why Peter Chao and Edmund Chan prizes mentoring relationships above ministry leadership. After spending the evening with DYLM, I understood it; while leading R-AGE to the next level is what I will always aspire to do, being a friend and mentor to my beloved shepherds and mentorees is what I shall desire to be for all my days. And I believe the turning point was this week – when investing into their lives becomes the topmost ministry priority for me; let’s see how God helps me to translate that into action.
5. I’ve completely messed up what “intentional” means. And I’ve shortchanged myself with my mentors and shortchanged my mentorees when they’re with me. Oh Lord, help me to undo what I’ve foolishly done! Humble and help me to learn from this. Intentional is when I take a step back to allow God to use me to minister to people. Intentional is when I seize opportunities. I know I’m speaking in code and only I will decrypt it. Ironically, agenda is the enemy of intentionality. Yes, I have identified my “Peter, James and John”; the journey with them begins now…
6. I could have a hundred mentors and a thousand mentorees, but nobody could ever take the place of each one of them in my heart. It’s not about calendar or content… No one could replace no one. One of the worst feelings in mentoring (or life in general), even though it’s theoretically unhealthy, is the feeling of abandonment. I understand how you felt now because I felt it myself… Now it’s up to me to take the next step towards reconciliation – I know it is about to unfold. Oh God, give me wisdom to repair relationships. People aren’t statistics and mentors aren’t vending machines; I am humbled.
7. I intentionally (URGH – the use of that word fills me with disgust!) rescheduled all my appointments next week because I’m in desperate need of an extended break. Regardless of how invincible I’ve always perceived myself to be, still I couldn’t shake off the emptiness that accompanied the disengagement from an intensive two-month discipleship programme. I gave so much away my tank is almost empty. It happened last year and again it happened this year. I am a fool to think I could have overcome it. (Now I understand why I was compelled to read Wayne Cordeiro’s “Leading On Empty”.) It’s time to recharge.
8. Leading a youth ministry from 80 to 120 people within a year makes any youth pastor swell with pride… But nothing – and I mean it, nothing! – is more satisfying and encouraging than watching my successors take the lead to bless me… This afternoon, they instructed me to sit back, relax and do absolutely nothing tonight – and I did just that. I cannot thank God enough for their deed and gesture. Keith and Yixian, you both are God’s precious gifts to me and I will remember that I am leading a group of youths who love me deeply and want me just as I am. You have honoured me tonight – thank you.
9. I thank God for the parental green light to (at last!) take our relationship to the next level in 2012. I may not have the emotional capacity to respond but cognitively, it’s one of the greatest news I’ve received in a while. What a privilege – thank you for daring to entrust your daughter to me; she is most special because one has ever made me want to love her more than I love myself. You have no idea how much we are looking forward to our union. God has answered our year-long prayer; He is faithful indeed!
10. I really hope to commence, complete and continue my theological education at Fuller Seminary and I am truly convinced that it will come to pass one day…
probably the best pre-valentine’s day, ever.
12th February 2011 marks a special milestone for R-AGE @ GII. I think any youth pastor would have been proud; I was delighted with the commitment of the young people, and I was filled with gratitude to belong to and lead this precious youth group.
The last time I preached at GII, I casted a vision of seeing 150 youths in service by the end of 2011; at that first service of the year, we surprised ourselves and counted an attendance of 135. This afternoon, we broke the record (by a mile!) and counted 162. Praise God for these mind-blowing numbers!
I also witnessed a new performance band rising up. New songs, styles, vocalists, musicians and anchormen only meant one thing – we are indeed regenerating. R-AGE, do you have any idea how much talent God has blessed us with? (And FYI, the band has only rehearsed for a couple of weeks!) I believe there’s so much more to come from these creative individuals. But the best thing for me was to see the band thoroughly enjoying themselves… That’s the way to do ministry – having fun!
It was also a sight to behold, seeing one of the highest attendances for PUSH; 20 youths praying until something happened… And I think God answered our prayer in His own special way. I was thankful that God held back the torrential downpour until service started!
And man! I haven’t even gotten down to the transformation of the GII Chapel – it looked so pretty today! Thanks to the commitment of the youths, this is the nicest I’ve ever seen the hall look. From the candle-lit structure to the tables and chairs laid out outside Chapel, to the paper heart behind the cross, to hearts and posters pasted on the walls, I was visually captivated and comprehensively impressed by the massive amounts of effort put in by the decoration team.
And speaking of pretty, did you all check out the lovely cupcakes? It was lovingly baked, designed, prepared and packed from 3pm to 2am the day before… And every single cupcake has a unique design – no two were the same – that’s how special each one of these youths are to God (and to me)!
Here comes the exciting part… In all my 14 years in R-AGE services, I’ve never seen so many newcomers before… Today, we said hello to 25 visitors! That’s an amazing count by any measure! I’m so proud of the youths for making such a genuine attempt to invite their friends. I remember saying this during the debrief – “We may have 25 newcomers today but considering how many youths have had their friends reject them, I am convinced, easily a 100 could have been invited.” The hearts of our young people are indeed in the right place. Praise God!
But the best part of today was reserved for the three souls that returned to God – two first-time salvations and one rededication! This made all the effort worth it… I remember sending an encouragement SMS to those who were serving – that “may the fruit of their labour result in souls added to the kingdom and lost ones returning to the Father.” We praise God for He is faithful indeed.
As I pen this reflection, I can’t help but to beam with pride – what a joy it is to pastor these youths… Without their commitment to God and to see lives return to Jesus, we wouldn’t have been able to pull this off. I am thankful for the following awesome groups of people – the service committee, publicity team, designers and decorators, photographers, lighting and sound crew, visuals team, the band, emcees, cupcake bakers and those who shared the Gospel… WOW – you guys make any youth pastor proud! (((:
I can’t wait for the next big event that R-AGE @ GII will plan – a revival that will take place in mid-May. This will be a combined youth service on a Saturday evening at the GII Sanctuary. Let’s look forward to an awesome evening of worshipping God at full volume with the entire R-AGE family… And perhaps with even more newcomers!
(On a personal note, and for journaling’s sake, I am thankful for my first attempt at delivering an evangelistic sermon… What I enjoyed most about preparing and preaching the message was how the Spirit used a familiar story to speak to me and bless my heart… It was a good learning experience…)
Praise God for today – His grace enabled us to pull off an event of this magnitude with limited resources, people and time. We couldn’t have done this without You, Jesus! (:
God: So, do you love Me?
R-AGE: Yes, we do and will feed Your sheep.
when it makes no sense at all.
Emptiness consumes
From the left to the right, halt
Monosyllabic
Lost causes, regrets
The approach to nothing haunts
Leading on a naught
Broken phrases joined
Dragged through a room of shadows
The sound of silence
Deadpan forced laughter
Patronising apathy
Un-impossible
Carbon copycat
Nonsensical outcomes yet
Still trying, always
Where are you, Abba?
The scarce search and the rare find
Just wait a little
I trust and obey
For there is no other way
Jesus brings me joy
Still trying, I am
Circled in a rounded square
Still exhaustion sets
Descending beyond this
Trouble is so troublesome
Overpowered nous
I say I feel great
Nothing could stand in my way
Unless it is me
Put matter below mind
Mass mixing might make me melt
Does it matter much?
Non-sequitur, this
Confuses my clarity
Forget victory
Cease fire and run
Hide in a hole, take cover
Find the burning bush
There is none like You
True, but there’s none like me too
What have we become?
Slow degradation
Conversations losing words
Loath soliloquy
I cannot exit
I cannot cease to exist
I cannot expel
Please help me make sense
This verbal dysentery
I want out right now
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 