If you had overheard the candid conversation I had with God prior to me coming into Full Time ministry…
Me: So, I really want to obey You and go full time, instead of sacrificing, because I know you desire obedience over sacrifice.
God: What are you sacrificing?
M: I don’t know… I guess you know, like the great amounts of money that I’ll be earning, the wonderful high positions that I’ll be holding, that beautiful house that I’ll be residing in, those fantastic annual holidays that I’ll be bringing my family on… You know… All these things… Well, but I love You and I just want to obey You instead of thinking about these things that I’m going to sacrifice.
G: Have all these things happened yet?
M: [stunned] Oh, erm, well, no… But it probably will, right?
G: But it hasn’t, right?
M: [resigned] Yeah…
G: Then they are not sacrifices. : )
M: [speechless] … -_-
All right, some bits were dramatised but essentially that really happened. I guess I’ll never know how life would be like in the ministry or in the marketplace so instead of speculating all the what-ifs, I should just focus on today and perhaps ask God for a preview of tomorrow.
I truly believe that I do not have to take the paths that others have walked on. My journey of faith is mine alone and may it be an adventure for me as well as for directly affected by my decisions.
A new chapter brings about a new routine. This one begins with an early morning run, which might just turn out to be an early morning conversation with Jesus – before the motivational self-talk begins towards the end of the 20 minutes.
I haven’t gotten up this early in a long time and while it feels slightly strange because my bio clock still isn’t tuned, but I must say it feels great. The aroma of the morning air, the sound of awakening birds, the sight of old folks doing taichi and the taste of the Lord’s daily new mercies.
I can’t wait to begin, really. In 15 minutes, I’ll be taking the familiar 111 to church, except that this time I’m not going as a lay worker, but a full time staff. I need to learn to remain humble and to always struggle with God and not with systems or people. I must learn to crawl, then walk, then run. It would be fatalistic to fly immediately.
Well, here I go. The page turns. I’ve spent the last 26 years writing my introduction. I love You, Lord. I will learn to trust in You with all my heart and rely not on my own understanding. In all my ways I will (seek to) acknowledge You and You will direct my footsteps. Proverbs 3:5-6.