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II. the crucial milestone – her family must know.
I might be a traditional and conventional guy, but I truly believe that one of the most important things to do before a man ever proposes to his wife-to-be is to first seek the support of her parents. It doesn’t just do a world of wonders for the man in the longer run, but it also gives the lady the immediate assuredness and confidence to say, “Yes”, because she knows that her parents are behind her on this.
Both of us are regular Chinese Singaporeans brought up in typical Asian homes. It was only wise for me to get her parents involved when I was ready to pop the question to take it to the next level.
Actually, I had already wanted to propose last year (2010) but I decided to wait until I had met all her paternal and maternal relatives. I wanted them to know who I was, regardless of whether they were close to Huiyi or not. It seemed the proper and respectful thing to do – to know her entire family before asking her to be a part of my family. And I managed to do that on New Year’s eve.
Huiyi and I have spoken about marriage ever since we entered our second year of courtship. Initially, she felt she was a little too young to get married but as we entered the third year, part of her couldn’t wait to settle down with me. For me, I felt that I wanted to settle down with her from the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. Marriage (and the proposal) wasn’t an uncommon topic to the both of us.
Some people may think that it’s unromantic to declare engagement intentions, but I’m a realistic romantic and a romantic realist. I do what I think is culturally sensitive and consistent to my upbringing and the dynamics of our relationship. After all, my track record of idyllic moments with Huiyi has been good (so far), so it didn’t bother me the least bit that she knew I was about to propose. I knew her answer but all she knew was my time frame; she had no idea how, where or exactly when I would do it.
Huiyi’s parents are smart people. They knew that I was a forward-planning person and that I don’t do things without careful consideration. When Huiyi helped me to arrange a dinner date with them, I believe that they could almost see it coming. After all, we had dinner together on Valentine’s Day this year. But nothing in their many years of good parenting would prepare them for this moment – to deal with the impending reality that they were about to marry off their precious daughter.
Dinner was supposed to take place at Peach Garden, where I’ve already made reservations for four a couple of days in advance. I am traditional and so I wanted this dinner to be a prim-and-proper meal. But Huiyi’s prudent father forbade me from bringing them there, so we had dinner at Ichiban Boshi instead. It was obviously four times more affordable and dining at a Japanese restaurant brought about a feel-good feeling. After all, it was at Sushi Tei that I sought their approval to apply for a HDB flat together with Huiyi.
But unlike at Sushi Tei more than a year ago, Huiyi and I never felt that the moment was right for the all-important question of the evening. So with hand-squeezes, leg-tapping and tell-tale glares, we decided to adjourn home instead after a hearty meal. Huiyi gave me insider information (from daily car rides with her father) on how despite her parents being traditional, they preferred an informal setting instead of a formal one.
“Take a chill pill,” they would have said.
Next chapter: the most awkward moment of the evening.
I. the elements of a memorable proposal.
The most memorable proposal is the one that you and your spouse-to-be star in. No amount of eloquence or vocabulary can describe the elation, exuberance and ecstasy that a newly engaged couple experiences. Nothing is better than that unbeatable feeling of knowing that you’ve taken a significant step to spend the rest of your lives together.
I’ve spent days writing this – capturing every event in my remaining memory in writing. And while it has been a tedious process because of my meticulousness, I have thoroughly enjoyed reliving every moment. This writing exercise has, without a doubt, made me appreciate my relationship with Huiyi and anticipate our future together even more.
Speaking of matrimony, I’m about to turn 28 years old and have lost count of the number of times I’ve been involved in and invited to weddings. More than half of my closest buddies are already married and I’ve had countless privileges of being the best man, groomsman, emcee, worship leader and wedding singer. It has been, and still is a wonderful thing to share in one of life’s most significant memories.
The small problem with being a part of so many weddings is that when it’s time for me to propose, part of my personality make-up would inevitably want to make my proposal a tad bit more distinct than any other that I’ve had a hand in… (Again, I reiterate that your own proposal is the most special, simply because you are the protagonist.)
Now, I’ve only had two guidelines when I planned how I would ask Huiyi to marry me:
- She’s a private person who desires simplicity – so I told myself to keep the idea simple, and the event private.
- She’s always fantasised about being proposed to over a sunset or sunrise at a beach, decked in a nice dress – a straightforward wish that I would gladly fulfill, since she doesn’t usually have many requests.
Before I describe the actual proposal, I will recount the events that led up to it, including the numerous ideas I also considered and would have executed. And somehow, all these ideas actually contributed to the eventual idea.
Next chapter: the crucial milestone – her family must know.
prologue to the proposal story.
In the previous post, I appealed to you to help Huiyi and I win a photo contest organised by Perfect Weddings – a nifty local website designed to reach couples who are about to tie the knot. Huiyi and I thought it might be fun to embark on a project together so we signed up for a photo contest where we submitted a photograph freshly taken (by Gideon) immediately after the proposal. Like many FaceBook contests, the photo with the highest number of Likes will win the top prize. But I must say, it has been overwhelmingly encouraging to experience the unexpected amount of support Huiyi and I have received… (Do continue to spread the word for us, yeah?) (:
Well, Huiyi and I are about to participate in another competition also organised by Perfect Weddings, and this is one with epic proportions. In a nutshell, we are required to share our proposal story by using the Perfect Weddings website creator platform. And besides being enticed by the generous prize, I decided to try my hand at it simply because I wanted to relive and recapture the entire process of how I asked Huiyi to be my fiancée. After all, I did promise on this post that I would do write a detailed entry in time to come. And the time has come.
So I’ve been doing that for the last few nights, writing in as much detail as I can about almost everything that concerns the proposal… And I’ve thoroughly enjoying the walk down memory lane. So this is what I will do since it is an understatement to declare this project as a massively long article. Instead of posting the entire story in one gargantuan entry, I shall space it out over the next couple of weeks, and publish the epic proposal bit by bit, chapter by chapter. Well, since I went over-the-top in proposing to Huiyi, I shall do likewise in recapitulating as many moments as I can recall in writing.
I am relieved however, that unlike the photo contest which essentially is a popularity contest, (I hope) the eventual winner of this proposal contest would be determined by the quality of its content. And so, I shall take a short hiatus from posting fragments of my thought life and publish snippets of one of the sweetest memory of my life so far instead. This blog will conveniently mirror the pre-wedding website (which we have aptly titled ILYTTE) throughout the duration of this series, so you don’t even need to go to another webpage, unless of course you wish to.
Honestly, Huiyi and I have been tremendously blessed to enjoy the virtual support of family, friends and the R-AGE youths, as well as anonymous individuals from the world-wide web. Thank you, really, from the bottom of our hearts…
If there’s anything at all that we want you to remember from the upcoming series, it is how God’s grace has been so generously lavished upon two ordinary individuals who desire to love each other a little bit more every new morning, and who would say, “I love you ’til the end”, for as long as the Lord keeps them together on this planet. Love is indeed everyday.
I genuinely hope you will enjoy the journey that I’m about to take you on… (:
P/S: And if you’d like to, I’d like to (shamelessly) invite you to subscribe to my blog via email, so that you will receive every post in your inbox as soon as I publish it. Simply fill in your email address at the sidebar…
Next chapter: the elements of a memorable proposal.
help Huiyi and I win a contest!
Dear readers,
This is probably the first time I’m asking you for help, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. (:
It’d be great if you could:
- Go to facebook.com/PerfectWeddings.SG and Like the Page.
- Find and Like our photo in the “Our Perfect Love Photo Contest” album!
The photo that you should Like looks like this. Click here to go directly to the photo.
Thank you so much and please help us to spread the word! (:
Love is everyday,
Joey & Huiyi
enjoying a checkpoint before ending up at a checkmate.
By the time this post is published, I would have preached a total of 10 sermons since “Always And Forever” at Revival Service. I had the privilege to speak at two youth camps this month and I am penning this entry before my final session tonight. Frankly speaking, I am exhausted – physically and mentally especially – but I am reinvigorated spiritually, because of the amount that I had learnt through my preparation for these messages.
The weekend before Grace Retreat, I accomplished mission (almost) impossible and preached four freshly written sermons over three days. And in the past 30 hours, I delivered three messages. It was a grueling process (mainly due to the lack of rest and the constant demand to develop my content) and it forced me to change the way I normally delivered my content – by preaching without a full manuscript – and I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed the change.
My dependence on the Holy Spirit to guide and keep me on track had never been higher and the sense of satisfaction had never been deeper. I felt a lot more natural when I’m not bounded by a manuscript; it gave me freedom, spontaneity of speech and truly allowed the Spirit to determine the words I uttered. This was a new milestone in my journey as a preacher and I thank the Lord for giving me the grace to grow into it. (There’s still a long way to go though…)
I preached “Leadership = Lead Your Sheep”, “Will I Catch A Grenade For Ya?” and “My Neighbour Is A Spy!” (twice) that weekend and I’d like to think I have made progress as a preacher. Shireen Lai once told me (perhaps prophetically), “Get used to this – it’s the life of an itinerant speaker”. I was a little embarrassed by that statement because I (still) feel severely inadequate as a preacher – I know I am a decent communicator, but I still lack (and long for) the connection of Ps Ronald, the relevance of Ps Benny and the profoundness of Ps Edmund; I strive (and sometimes struggle) towards these things as I attempt to grow into this role without any theological education (yet). The most common advice I’m given however, is to find my own style of preaching – something I’m still trying to figure out. It’s a steep learning curve so I thank God for His generous grace.
On a side note, what I also enjoyed about speaking at other youth groups, besides expanding my communication repertoire and gaining exposure and experience, is connecting with youths outside R-AGE. I try to add these new friends on FaceBook as soon as I can so that I am able to remember their names and my brief interaction with them. And at the end of each session, I will share the same sentiments as my Shepherds (who accompanied me to minister at these youth camps) – we are grateful to be a part of R-AGE that is now a part of us.
I also sense my heart for the Church (the body of Christ) being enlarged as I get a feel of the needs in other youth ministries – that is something that is definitely caught, not taught. However, I am just at the beginning of what (I hope) is a long and rewarding pilgrimage of preaching the Word… There’s so much more that I have and need to learn before I can call myself a proper preacher of God’s Word; this realisation keeps me humble in light of the applause that I receive from people; I must always remember to bring both criticism and compliments before the Lord, and to ask Him to help me make sense of it.
Well, it’s a relief for me to know that the next time I preach (in R-AGE, besides a session at another youth group in early July) is at the end of August so I’m going to make full use of this preaching hiatus to sink my roots even deeper into the Word of God. It’s also going to be a time for me to catch up on the Leading and Mentoring pillars of my daily ministry. And up(a)grading my Interceding life is part of what I hope to achieve in the coming months.
In the meantime, I’d like to direct your attention to Huiyi’s insights from “Will I Catch A Grenade For Ya?” Oh, and if I haven’t made it clear enough… I absolutely love preaching the Word of God – what an immense privilege to share His Word with young people! (: For now, I shall take Peter Chao’s advice to “Focus on the preacher [I] will become and not on the preaching [I] will deliver”. What a timely reminder for me to keep growing and developing!
And as always, I covet your prayers. (:
a change of plan or a plan of change?
I led my wonderful team of dedicated Shepherds to Batam’s iHotel over the weekend; this was our first independent ministry-planning trip and I must say I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. I trust that my Shepherds had also enjoyed this time of reflection and evaluation that I had carefully designed for them to embark on. I’ve journeyed with them for 18 months now and while it’s been a wonderful ride, I desire for them to grow deeper in their individual walks with God.
Keith and I arrived slightly later than the rest of them as we had to oversee the collaboration with the Grace Kids at GII Sunday services; it was also the first time I had the opportunity to be the emcee in the adult services. (I improvised from what I thought was a messy first service and I am grateful that the second service turned out much better…) I am confident that the adults now know that R-AGE @ GII exists and that it’s the best place to be at on a Saturday afternoon.
It was great to have caught up with Keith on our journey to Batam. I’ve always identified him as one of my successors and I’m confident that he will be able to lead R-AGE @ GII to greater heights where I could not. Keith, you will surpass me and I will help you to do that because I believe so much in what God will do through you. (: I am blessed to be able to mentor an exceptional young man like him.
I bunked with Bradley for this trip and I thoroughly enjoyed bonding with him and knowing him more intimately. We had a good time catching up in the room and in the pool. I celebrate his appetite to get out of his comfort zone – that’s the mark of a G0d-fearing and Christ-loving disciple. And I look forward to hearing his reflections on a passage of Scripture I asked him to meditate upon.
We decided to have seafood dinner at a roadside coffeeshop – yes, those typically dirty and warm ones (with pesky buskers) and the overpowering aroma of belachan chilli that clogs up your respiratory system. I must say I was impressed with the team’s courage to eat everything that came their way (although some felt queasy after dinner). The best thing about the feast was its price – we ate a mountain of food for a mere 10 SGD per pax.
***
The first activity we embarked on after dinner was “Dials on a Dashboard” – a little exercise I’ve adapted from Wayne Cordeiro’s excellent book, “Leading on Empty”; I got my Shepherds to systematically recognise, rate and recalibrate the various dials on their dashboard. It was a brutally honest activity and it set the tone for the contemplation they would embark on.
For the purpose of my own journaling, the 15 dials I’ve identified in my life are:
- Faith life
- Family life
- Relationship life
- Mentoring life
- Leadership life
- Intercession life
- Online life
- Author’s life
- Speaker’s life
- Competency life
- Contemplative life
- Financial life
- Leisure/Fun life
- Social/Fellowship life
- Health life
It is my earnest prayer that everyone in the team would UP(a)GRADE in their own faith pilgrimage. I am eager to grow, as I always have been, and I have already put into action some things as soon as I arrived home. May the Lord continue to give me grace as I seek to please Him in all that I do.
I encouraged the team to wake up early the next morning to do their devotions on a passage of Scripture (Hebrews 12) that the Holy Spirit revealed to Yixian during the Dashboard activity; I thoroughly enjoyed receiving insights and understanding from the Lord as I meditated on and memorised His Word. It was an empowering experience! MAN, I LOVE THE WORD!
***
After breakfast, we returned to the room and I asked the team two key questions:
- “What have you done?” (I got them to list all their achievements in ministry – to itemise what’s been happening)
- “How have you done it?” (I got them to investigate their attitudes behind these ministry achievements – to inspect the condition of their hearts)
It turned out to be a powerful exercise as this soul-searching activity became a heart-wrenching experience for a few of them. One Shepherd (whose identity I shall protect) even broke down during this activity. We ministered to her on the spot and tears flowed freely – not just on her cheeks but on those who were standing in the gap for her as they laid their hands to pray for her. It was a moving scene indeed… This is unity… This is the body of Christ… This is biblical fellowship.
I was led to get everyone to worship God together before every session (with David’s iPod and two speakers no less!) because I believe that it’s important to engage the Lord in any crucial decision; I felt that it was imperative to make decisions in the presence of God for it’s always in the presence of our living and loving God that our lives are changed to be more like Him. And so it was – God is faithful – this was ministry at its finest hour. And it wouldn’t have been possible without the Spirit’s conviction.
***
As part of my bid to sort out my health, I had already completed 10km on the treadmill within 24 hours of arrival and was about to go for my first swim in eons; it must have been more than six months since I last put on my goggles. On a lighter note, I discovered the power of my physical presence – some of the girls who were in the pool disappeared (more like ran away) within seconds of me entering it to swim my laps; it’s like they saw a ghost or something. HAHA!
We consumed lunch at a local restaurant and after that, half the team went to do water sports while the other half remained behind to enjoy some free time. Huiyi and I would have loved to join those out at sea but her sudden bout of illness prevented us from doing so. We ended up enjoying a nice two-hour Thai/Balinese combination massage for a grand total of 14 SGD per pax (cheaper than Shanghai!). More importantly, as always, I enjoyed my afternoon with my wife-to-be. (:
We waved Esther, Natalina and Huiyi goodbye as they left a day earlier due to prior commitments. The rest of us went to the nearby Nagoya Hill (for the umpteenth time!) for dinner at another local establishment. The most hilarious scene must have been when Bradley and I literally carried the table top without its legs. You must see it to believe how ridiculous it looked!
***
We returned to our Shepherds Headquarters (a.k.a. Yixian’s and Jeraldine’s room) where we embarked on ministry evaluation. It was a proper meeting with minutes recorded and we listed down all the various programmes that we had already embarked on for 2011. And I helped the Shepherds to see how important being intentional is in planning for our programmes. We made quick-fire assessments to every programme, from cells, to services, to regional gatherings, to trainings and to special events:
- Should we keep it or trash it?
- If we plan to keep it, how can we improve it?
All of us unanimously felt the need to be even more evangelistic in the way that we operated. When we plan “Win” events, we will naturally need to have “Equip” activities and eventually it will result in it being a “Build” event. I saw in the Shepherds’ eyes a conviction to be intentional, intensive and inclusive in all that we would plan next year. I was glad to be able to transfer what I had learnt from a conference to my team of leaders.
(I was tickled to see the contrast between my M&M’s (Melody & Melissa) – one was bustling with energy and the other completely zapped!) We spent the next few hours affirming one another with objective, subjective, introspective, retrospective and most importantly, heartfelt words of encouragement. I am confident that this is the first time the Shepherds were encouraged on such a scale – I pray that it had lifted their inner man/woman. (: Well for me, I went to bed feeling great and grateful about what the Lord is doing in this season of my life.
***
Our final activity was inspired by 2 Corinthians 5 where I reminded the Shepherds of our duty and need for the ministry of reconciliation. I shared with them openly and honestly on my own attempts to reconcile with a couple of people in my life (and I am proud to say that I’ve already taken reconciling action tonight, as soon as I got home).
I believe that as we grow as a ministry both in quantity and quality, through processes and programmes, cracks of misunderstanding will appear in our relationships; these are inevitable for when iron sharpens iron, there is heat and friction. And when cracks appear, the devil will too, with his lies and deception. We must not fall for it – hence the great need to reconcile each other to Christ (and to each other) and to clear up any potential or active misunderstanding before it erodes into bitterness.
By the end of this retreat, we had evaluated the three main components of ministry: people, programmes and processes. We had also recorded feedback for the various programmes that the ministry had executed on the service, cell and events level. I am hopeful that this Retreat had been in line with the coming 40DOC campaign, and sets the tone for personal renewal and corporate alignment.
Praise the Lord for all that He’s done through me at this Shepherds Retreat – A change of plan of a plan of change?
***
I shall leave you with two paradigm shifts that the Holy Spirit inspired me to share with the Shepherds:
- I challenged them (and now you reading this, and eventually R-AGE) to remove “Arrowed” or “Bombed” from their dictionary for that’s a secular and selfish way of thinking. Instead, let’s train ourselves to say, “What an opportunity indeed!” whenever we are given the privilege to do something for the Lord and His people.
- But if you are simply unable to lend a hand due to your existing commitments: “Don’t be a dead-end, but be a Y-junction instead.” So that when you really can’t help when people approach you, you can still help by pointing them to other people who may be able to help them. This results in their burden being lightened regardless.
We are a team and this is a team effort; let’s behave like an Ephesians 4 team!
***
Of late, I’ve had an overwhelming desire to have a deep life and to dig deeper, thanks to the influence that Ps Edmund Chan has in my life. And I believe that this is evident in my conversations and in the way that I operate. He put it succinctly, “The depth of your life determines the breadth of your ministry.”
I have never desired depth in my life and ministry as much as I have right now. Oh Lord, please give me Your grace and enable to grow myself and R-AGE in a deep and riveting manner. Hear my cry, Lord – I do not want to raise a shallow generation of believers!
what she said about loving God fully and knowing Christ completely.
Once again, I’m pleased to break the silence on my blog by re-posting what Huiyi has written. I really enjoy reading what she writes! (: It shows me another perspective of my learning (through the sermon preparation and execution), as well as a glimpse of what the congregation may have picked up from the session.
What I appreciate most about her (or anyone else’s) recap of my sermon is how she has internalised it and provided her own insights. Anyone who has sat into my preaching would be able to post the sermon outline but it would take additional effort to write about how it affects their lives and more importantly, the way they approach God.
So without further ado, it is my pleasure and delight to redirect you to my lovely fiancée’s blog. Her words are pure gold to me. Enjoy the read and remember that to love God fully is to know Christ completely! (:
P/S: Pray for me as I prepare the second and final sermon of the One Plus One Equals Ten series for this weekend, as well as two sermons for Seng Kang Methodist Church’s youth camp, which I’ve the privilege to be speaking at.
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 