Monthly Archives: July 2011
VII. the first group of people involved.
I was serious about this absolutely cheesy but wonderfully romantic and heart-melting idea, and had already briefed Andrea, Ling Zhi and Yvonne of this elaborate plan over the phone. I requested for them to take half-day leave to ensure that they would appear at her office at 6pm. They agreed and her best friend, Yvonne, was exhilarated with this concept. Three 15-minute phone calls later, the three of them, who grew up with her, knew exactly what they had to do for the evening.
Then I called Justin, one of the media staff in my church, to ask if I could rent the church’s portable sound system (which incidentally is what they use to conduct funeral services) for that evening. He said that it wasn’t a problem but left me with a disclaimer that I remember until this day. “Just pray that no one dies that evening,” he said with a wry smile. Then I quickly familiarised myself with setting up and operating the equipment. No pun intended, but it was all systems go for me.
Gideon, another close buddy, together with Caleb, one of the boys I mentor, played huge roles in the entire proposal. They were practically my five senses and I’d even call them my sixth sense because they updated me with ground information that I needed to know without actually being present. And Gideon and Caleb generously agreed to be the event photographer and videographer respectively without charging a single cent. (I gave them a token of appreciation of course..)
More details on their pivotal roles later. For now, they also agreed to double up as the men who chauffeured the sound equipment from my church in Tanglin Road to MBC and to set it on that little knoll, so that by the time I arrive, the stage would be ready for Joey Asher Tan to croon and sing his status away…
All right, I shall caution you first… It’s going to get a little confusing from here because every element of the proposal is integrated like spaghetti. Stay with me – this is where the story gets exciting!
Next chapter: the secret weapon – her birthday.
VI. the second idea – Mapletree Business City.
Wei Kurk, one of my buddies, works in the same vicinity as Huiyi. Her office is located in PSA building, at the end of Alexandra Road closer to the entrance of Labrador Park. Kurk told me that he once saw how the sun set in Mapletree Business City (MBC). I was convinced of it and could almost imagine the brilliance. For as long as I live, I will never get sick of admiring God’s magnificence through a sunset and sunrise.
I googled “Labrador Park sunset” and “Pasir Panjang sunset” and confirmed that this was indeed a viable venue. (The other places I had considered were Pandan Reservoir, Marina Barrage and that open field behind Blackmore Road.) In that month, I intentionally made regular trips to Huiyi’s office to pick her up after work, but also to check out the sunset environment, and the distance and time taken to walk from her office to the proposal venue, which was around 200-300 metres away.
The original plan was to get Huiyi’s closest girlfriends to spring a birthday surprise for her at her office right about the time she knocked off work. (Of course, I would need to involve her colleagues whom I barely knew, but was confident that they would be more than willing to help.) Everyone in the office would create a ruckus and tell her that her girlfriends are about to whisk her away for a girls’ night out. Then they would lead her to the proposal venue – a tiny man-made knoll (pictured above) in the centre of the MBC atrium, where she would (please indulge me) hear the sound of the soulful-stirring voice of her fiance-to-be, serenading her from a distance away, singing the song that he courted her with.
And as she walks up the little green hill, I’d be there waiting, drawing her in with my melodious music… And as I finish the song, (by then, a small crowd of white-collared executives would have gathered to check out what was going on,) I’d leave my microphone stand like a rock star, put down my guitar in style, and get down on one knee (and melt the hearts of all the women in our line of sight) to ask that status-changing question.
Yes, I was fully convinced of this absolutely brilliant plan! There was no way I could fail!
Next chapter: the first group of people involved.
V. the first idea – Perth.
I proposed to Huiyi on her 24th birthday (15 April 2011), but in the last quarter of 2010, after I confirmed with Chin Seng and Ervina (our mentors who migrated to Australia) that Huiyi and I would take a holiday in Perth in April 2011, I also informed Chin Seng that I might propose in Perth. He gave me his fullest support and graciously opened up his home to house us during our short stay there.
One of my closest friends, Liang Zhi, also resides in Perth and he was the one who got me started on photography. So I knew I could count on my three favourite Singaporeans in Perth to play the role of paparazzi for my engagement. I was seriously considering proposing in Perth and had sussed out possible proposal locations as well as Perth’s sunset and sunrise timings.
But I decided against it because there were just too many factors out of my control. Sure, an overseas proposal was special and romantic, but it was surely unrealistic too. Our hectic schedules didn’t allow us to plan our Perth itinerary in advance and not knowing where we were going to be on which day or what we were doing was risky. A lack of knowledge of the traffic conditions, a shortage of proper recording equipment and just a general scarcity of resources counted against me. And not being familiar with the proposal venue especially, proved to be my deciding deterrent.
Therefore, I canned the idea of proposing in Perth despite its allure but I used this vacation as a decoy to devastating effect.
In our conversations about Perth, I stealthily revealed how Liang Zhi was an accomplished photographer and how Chin Seng and Ervina owned a DSLR. As we scoured Lonely Planet for places to visit in Perth, I playfully but shrewdly hinted to her those places with great views of the sunset and sunrise. I was sure she got the hint. I reminded her to pack that denim blouse from Zara that I bought for her last year and assured her that the photographs would look amazing with that light blue fabric draped over her.
Well, let’s just say the proposal could have taken place in any of the following locations:
The clincher was this, “After we’re back from Perth, the first thing we should do is to start a joint bank account, okay?”
She nodded with excited anticipation. I smiled at her with a I-know-you’ll-love-the-proposal-I’m-gonna-blow-you-away-with-in-Perth look in my eyes. In my head, I knew I had fully convinced her of my grand proposal that was never going to take place in Perth.
And I did this a few times – never intentionally, always incidentally. But I was intentionally incidental, if you know what I mean.
Now, I can finally concentrate on planning the REAL proposal…
Next chapter: the second idea – Mapletree Business City.
IV. the ultimate engagement ring.
I started reading up on diamonds and began consulting married men like Victor and Joel on prices and procedures. Eventually, I went with Lionel’s jeweler instead. And like a best friend would, he accompanied me for the first time to where he got his engagement ring and wedding bands done, and informed me of how much I should roughly be coughing out for my ring.
I spent a good number of nights asking Mr Google for unique designs. And I also shamelessly brought Huiyi into the Lee Hwa’s and Love & Co’s not just to get her finger size but also to get a glimpse of the kind of design she fancied. I was convinced that she was neither pining for a big rock nor a hefty price tag, but a design that would be unique and evergreen. I eventually picked a diamond that wasn’t so big until it looked vulgar or too small until it looked cheapskate. To me, it was the perfect rock on the perfect setting that resulted in a perfect ring.
My research was complete. I knew my budget; I adapted concepts I got off the Internet and designed my engagement ring; I chose my rock and type of gold. And this ring-making process began way back in October. I made a several trips to the jeweler to ensure that the ring turned out the way I had envisioned it to be. By January, on my fourth trip there, I paid for and collected what would be the most beautiful engagement ring I have ever seen – so lovely I wore it a few times on my finger to imagine how it would look on her finger! I remember rehearsing that “Will You Marry Me?” scene with myself – using my right hand to put the ring on my left hand. I couldn’t wait to do it for real!
And at the back of the ring, I decided to engrave “Phil 2:1-11 ILYTTE”. It’s the passage of scripture that we’d like our wedding exhorter to preach from. We are inspired by God’s Word – how the Apostle Paul used the supremacy of Christ as an example for us to serve each other and consider each other better than ourselves. He instructed us not to think less of ourselves but to think of ourselves less.
In summary, these are the few things I’ve learnt about making the ultimate engagement ring, which I’d like to share with you:
- Steer clear of the mainstream brands and save yourself some money.
- Ensure that you have a buffer of around $100 along with your budget.
- Stick to your budget and do not be embarrassed by what you can afford.
- The ring is not about you. It’s about her; what’s pretty to you might be plain to her.
- Consult your peers, do your research well and do not be afraid to ask questions.
- You must know what you value more in a diamond – cut, clarity, carat or colour?
- Choose your setting well – the right design and type of gold accentuates the diamond.
- A lasting design trumps a contemporary one; do you want to get sick of looking at it?
- Don’t be ashamed to bargain with the jeweler; you don’t get to do it very often.
- Make your engagement ring way in advance – you never know when you need it!
The adage goes, “The most dangerous place is the safest place”. So I kept the engagement ring in an old cookie glass jar just below my television console. Every other week, I’d take it out to admire that wonderful work of art. I was extremely pleased with it and I badly wanted to share this excitement with my family. But I resisted the temptation of showing it to my sister and mother because I wanted Huiyi to be the first person (other than the jeweler and I) to see it .
The ring rested quietly in the cookie jar for four long months. And each time I neared it, I felt my heart palpitating.
Next chapter: the fire idea – Perth.
III. the most nerve-wrecking moment.
We arrived at Huiyi’s home and her parents retreated into their private spaces almost instantaneously; her father marched into the study to use the computer while her mother reclined at the living room to watch a Taiwanese drama serial. This left Huiyi and I in complete disarray of what we ought to do next. It was the most nerve-wrecking moment of our entire evening. I composed myself and attempted to solve this puzzle in my head.
Huiyi was fidgety and was literally skipping to-and-from the living room to the study like a siao-zhar-bor who had too much wine (I quote her father) in hopes of getting her parents into the same square-metre. She did what most daughters would do – approach the patriarch of the household – after all, she’s Daddy’s girl – what could go wrong? Her father left her with five golden words.
“Go and talk to Mummy.”
At this time, she was already crestfallen and I saw defeat in her eyes. We knew each other so well that I could sense that she almost wanted to give up. I refused to give up of course. So like a valiant (and absolutely reckless) warrior, I decided to take over the proceedings. With fire in my belly (not wine), I rescued Huiyi’s night like her knight in shining armour.
Bravely, I declared, “Aunty, actually tonight, Huiyi and I wanted to talk to you and Uncle about us getting married next year”.
*pause for effect*
“HUH!? SO FAST!?” Her eyes nearly popped out of its sockets.
*hears a pin drop*
“Let me finish the show first,” she continued, after composing herself.
*silence on set*
Look, there was almost nothing I could do except to let the matriarch finish the final fifteen minutes of her Taiwanese show. The knight in shining armour became powerless and felt his armour plates rusting in the quarter of an hour that seemed to have lasted forever. It was the longest and most awkward duration of time for Huiyi and I. Oh if only we could count the galaxy of thoughts that sprinted through our heads…
Well, to cut the long story a little shorter, her parents were pretty cool about it eventually. By the end of the evening we were in business mode – negotiating dates and being asked if we had considered the thousand-and-one things that couples should consider. We assured them that this moment had been one year in the planning. And that seemed to do the trick.
It wasn’t a real surprise that their initial reaction was that of sudden shock (and not sweet surprise) – this is a huge moment for any mother or father. The best thing that a man could do at this moment is to assure them that they can be confident that he would take good care of their precious daughter. Don’t exaggerate or make dramatic claims like “I will give her a great life” or “She will have everything she wants”. Instead, be mature, composed and calm about it. Tell them that you are serious about marrying their daughter, committed to do your best for her, and describe to them how you plan to do it in the immediate future. I think every sane parent looks for a realistic future son-in-law, not a romantic one.
All in all, that evening was a great moment for us in the relationship; it was a breakthrough knowing that we received their blessings and support. Never underestimate how important this is, especially for the lady. We used to think that we only wanted to marry one another but over the years, we’ve come to accept that we aren’t just marrying one another but one another’s family as well.
Finally, planning for the proposal can commence.
Next chapter: the ultimate engagement ring.
II. the crucial milestone – her family must know.
I might be a traditional and conventional guy, but I truly believe that one of the most important things to do before a man ever proposes to his wife-to-be is to first seek the support of her parents. It doesn’t just do a world of wonders for the man in the longer run, but it also gives the lady the immediate assuredness and confidence to say, “Yes”, because she knows that her parents are behind her on this.
Both of us are regular Chinese Singaporeans brought up in typical Asian homes. It was only wise for me to get her parents involved when I was ready to pop the question to take it to the next level.
Actually, I had already wanted to propose last year (2010) but I decided to wait until I had met all her paternal and maternal relatives. I wanted them to know who I was, regardless of whether they were close to Huiyi or not. It seemed the proper and respectful thing to do – to know her entire family before asking her to be a part of my family. And I managed to do that on New Year’s eve.
Huiyi and I have spoken about marriage ever since we entered our second year of courtship. Initially, she felt she was a little too young to get married but as we entered the third year, part of her couldn’t wait to settle down with me. For me, I felt that I wanted to settle down with her from the day I asked her to be my girlfriend. Marriage (and the proposal) wasn’t an uncommon topic to the both of us.
Some people may think that it’s unromantic to declare engagement intentions, but I’m a realistic romantic and a romantic realist. I do what I think is culturally sensitive and consistent to my upbringing and the dynamics of our relationship. After all, my track record of idyllic moments with Huiyi has been good (so far), so it didn’t bother me the least bit that she knew I was about to propose. I knew her answer but all she knew was my time frame; she had no idea how, where or exactly when I would do it.
Huiyi’s parents are smart people. They knew that I was a forward-planning person and that I don’t do things without careful consideration. When Huiyi helped me to arrange a dinner date with them, I believe that they could almost see it coming. After all, we had dinner together on Valentine’s Day this year. But nothing in their many years of good parenting would prepare them for this moment – to deal with the impending reality that they were about to marry off their precious daughter.
Dinner was supposed to take place at Peach Garden, where I’ve already made reservations for four a couple of days in advance. I am traditional and so I wanted this dinner to be a prim-and-proper meal. But Huiyi’s prudent father forbade me from bringing them there, so we had dinner at Ichiban Boshi instead. It was obviously four times more affordable and dining at a Japanese restaurant brought about a feel-good feeling. After all, it was at Sushi Tei that I sought their approval to apply for a HDB flat together with Huiyi.
But unlike at Sushi Tei more than a year ago, Huiyi and I never felt that the moment was right for the all-important question of the evening. So with hand-squeezes, leg-tapping and tell-tale glares, we decided to adjourn home instead after a hearty meal. Huiyi gave me insider information (from daily car rides with her father) on how despite her parents being traditional, they preferred an informal setting instead of a formal one.
“Take a chill pill,” they would have said.
Next chapter: the most awkward moment of the evening.
I. the elements of a memorable proposal.
The most memorable proposal is the one that you and your spouse-to-be star in. No amount of eloquence or vocabulary can describe the elation, exuberance and ecstasy that a newly engaged couple experiences. Nothing is better than that unbeatable feeling of knowing that you’ve taken a significant step to spend the rest of your lives together.
I’ve spent days writing this – capturing every event in my remaining memory in writing. And while it has been a tedious process because of my meticulousness, I have thoroughly enjoyed reliving every moment. This writing exercise has, without a doubt, made me appreciate my relationship with Huiyi and anticipate our future together even more.
Speaking of matrimony, I’m about to turn 28 years old and have lost count of the number of times I’ve been involved in and invited to weddings. More than half of my closest buddies are already married and I’ve had countless privileges of being the best man, groomsman, emcee, worship leader and wedding singer. It has been, and still is a wonderful thing to share in one of life’s most significant memories.
The small problem with being a part of so many weddings is that when it’s time for me to propose, part of my personality make-up would inevitably want to make my proposal a tad bit more distinct than any other that I’ve had a hand in… (Again, I reiterate that your own proposal is the most special, simply because you are the protagonist.)
Now, I’ve only had two guidelines when I planned how I would ask Huiyi to marry me:
- She’s a private person who desires simplicity – so I told myself to keep the idea simple, and the event private.
- She’s always fantasised about being proposed to over a sunset or sunrise at a beach, decked in a nice dress – a straightforward wish that I would gladly fulfill, since she doesn’t usually have many requests.
Before I describe the actual proposal, I will recount the events that led up to it, including the numerous ideas I also considered and would have executed. And somehow, all these ideas actually contributed to the eventual idea.
Next chapter: the crucial milestone – her family must know.
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 