Category Archives: Heart Upon Sleeve
Passion is one of the core values of my life and very often, I spill my heart best through words.
JAT reads in end-March.
May you enjoy these articles as much as I have.
- Amos Poh provides a glimpse into a teenager’s struggles and earnest desire to pray.
- Chua Yi Xian shares a psychologist-to-be’s tussle with relativism and Christianity.
- Evangeline Tan represent a daughter’s sincere cry for real communion with her father.
- Hilary Hoe walks us through the Book of Revelation as part of his Lenten journey.
- Lim Mei Yin talks us through her thoughts on God talking to us and how we hear Him.
- Matt Lawton interviews the entertaining Patrice Evra, whose honesty charms us all.
- Matthew Tan gives us a theological perspective of community and its importance.
- Michael Walker highlights unfulfilled potential by juxtaposing Rooney and Jeffers.
- Perry Noble diagnoses with alarming accuracy the signs of an unhealthy Christian.
- Serene Wee spells out the ten desired qualities of a godly man – her unattainable one.
dads for life – don’t ever take fathers for granted.
I regret not doing something crazy but radical during my evening run just now.
The final part of my jogging route took me to Holland Grove View, just off Mount Sinai Road. I sneaked glances into those huge house as I trod down a small road flanked by luxury cars. (I digress but isn’t it interestingly dichotomous that Mount Sinai Road and Ghim Moh Road share the same tar? What a world of affluential difference!) It was 7:30pm – dinner time. One in four households I ran past were sharing a meal over the dining table. And at every single gathering, the Holy Spirit pointed my attention to the father figure.
Without fail, I immediately spotted the head of the home. And by the time I hit the third household having dinner, I remember being prompted by the Spirit to go to the fence of this huge white bungalow, for it was just outside the dining room. I felt moved in my spirit to deliver the following words of encouragement to the elderly man clad in a white tee:
“Hey you! Are you their father? You don’t have to know who I am but I want you to know that what you’re doing – it’s great. Keep having meals with your family as often as you can, please. You’re doing an amazing job as a father. Don’t underestimate the importance of simply eating together!”
But alas, I didn’t. And within two paces, my window of opportunity vanished. I didn’t run by another house again with the dining room within shouting distance from the road. Then I started to reflect – on how I wanted my family to look like a decade from now. Due to external upbringing and an internal resolve, I was quietly confident that I would be a good husband and I was determined to be a father but I didn’t want to take anything for granted. Being a good 一家之主 requires planning, effort and sacrifice. I don’t need to be a father to know this.
Immediately I started to recall all the good father figures that God has graciously placed in my life to inspire me, and set an example on how a household should be led and how children should be brought up. I began to thank God for great men like Pastor Ronald Yow, Uncle Kheng Leong and Peter Lim, just to name the first few off the top of my head. With these wonderful examples, amongst many others, I nearly slipped into an unnecessary melancholy comparison due to my lack of a fatherly figure, but I decided to celebrate God’s faithfulness in these families instead.
My message tonight is simple.
If you are a father reading this, and have been consistently investing into your family – keep going! You’re doing a great job! And I am certain that your rewards will come when you still have communion with your grown-up children when you’re old and gray.
If you are a father who is distant, or have a desire to want to reconnect with your family – my brother, this is your time to redeem what was lost. Your career must never, ever be at the expense of your children and your wealth-accumulation must never be at the expense of your wife.
Fathers – never underestimate your role in your children’s lives!
If you are a son or daughter reading this – why don’t you just take a minute to walk to your father, hug him, and tell him that you love him and appreciate all that he is doing and has done for the family? I’m sure he’ll be shocked and may even think you’re nuts, but deep down inside, I’m also sure that it will swell his heart swell with warmth and pride. Go now!
And if you, like me, are disconnected from your father – why don’t you take this time to pray for him and thank God for the many good fathers that are around you?
Well, since we’re on the subject of encouraging dads to be dads for life, why don’t we use Facebook or our mobile phones to encourage a father right now? We don’t have to wait for Father’s Day since fathers play their roles as fathers, not just once a year, but everyday.
the destructive power of assumptions.
Those who follow my blog and know me personally would remember my association with Dercum’s disease, a collection of fatty deposits all over my body. I went for my routine (every 6-9 months) check-up today and it left a deep enough impression to blog about. I spent the chunk of my day with Keith Yeo and I was glad he was there to witness what happened.
A quick background – each check-up costs about $70 and lasts no more than five minutes. Today, I arrived on time and waited 40 minutes before I was served. And I was done within one minute – Keith’s surprised expression when I exited the room verified the swift consultation that just transpired. While I was treated by the best in the business, today’s check-up amounted to $65, or about $1 per second. Cut throat? You tell me.
I walked to the counter and was ready to pay, but as I took out my wallet, I felt uncomfortable – that’s not cost-effective at all! I spent all that time waiting to be told something that I already knew from the last visit – that regrowth is normal and that I should wait for a lot more lumps to grow before I decide upon another operation. So I decided to walk back to the room to perhaps, negotiate with the doctor.
I knocked on the door gently as there was another patient in the room but the nurse curtly shooed me away. The way she told me to take a seat was rude and unnecessary but I tolerated it and waited as instructed. A couple of minutes later, the patient left the room and I entered it.
Before I could even present my case, the doctor suddenly became extremely defensive and started to put words in my mouth.
“If you feel it’s a waste of your time, you can drop the case immediately.”
“If you want a subsidised price, you can close this case and reapply through a polyclinic.”
“If you think that I’m overcharging you, you can always change a doctor.”
And all these were fired at me before I could even utter a word.
Now, I was caught off guard because this wasn’t the doctor whom I’ve interacted with for the past three consultations. And certainly neither professional nor acceptable for a man of his stature. I was taken aback and I stopped him in his tracks.
“Doctor, why are you putting words in my mouth, when I haven’t said anything at all?”
“Why are you behaving so defensively and taking this so personally?”
“All I wanted to do was to come in here to clarify the fee, but I was quite ready to head out to pay the full amount of this consultation.”
“If anything at all, I don’t think I’m the kind to be unreasonable – I just needed to hear an explanation.”
“Why did you jump to so many conclusions before I even asked you anything?”
“I think you should have a word with your staff about the things she told you before I came in…”
I think I must have caught him off guard too, with the way I retorted his (baseless) accusations. And I think he didn’t see that coming from someone who’s probably half his age. He composed himself after a couple of more defensive statements and I remember counting three verbal apologies from him; it was a professional apology though, not a genuine one. But I decided to be gracious about it so that he had some space to 下台 (retreat).
I couldn’t help but to assume three preconceived ideas he had before our little exchange:
- his nurse fed him with the wrong information
- he felt that I was about to attack him professionally and personally
- he probably had a bad day
I left the room feeling confused but something that annoyed me more was the injustice that I experienced. I felt maligned. I believe the medical staff owe me an apology. I was surprised though, that I didn’t lose my temper during the exchange. Instead, I spoke calmly, gently yet assertively. I asked the Spirit to help me respond like Jesus. Still, I left the hospital feeling 不爽 (unsatisfied).
On my way home after leaving Keith, I brought this before the Lord and asked Him to help me make sense of it. I haven’t heard from Him but I am glad that in my anger, I did not sin. Conversely speaking, I’m proud of my conduct and my reaction in the aftermath.
So this is what I am going to do now… I’m going to write this doctor an email to affirm him of my appreciation of his skills and expertise, make him reflect upon his (regrettable, haha) words and actions, close this incident, ask for his composed response to what happened today and tell him I look forward to see him again two years later at my next appointment with him.
Finally (and this is where you can join me), I am going to pray that this would lead to a divine opportunity for me to share the Gospel with him. Of course, I may not get a reply, but if you never ask, you never know.
ten disjointed thoughts and an attempt to resume writing.
1. Numbness is a clear symptom of pre-burnout; it’s a terrible feeling (paradoxically speaking) not being able to feel. All I asked God for today was to help me love Him with my heart. I have little problems loving Him with my mind, soul and strength or even loving others. But to love God with my emotions seemed like the hardest thing to do. Nonetheless, the key word here, is “pre” and the response to numbness is gratitude of foresight; the insight of foresight.
2. Ever since planning for Rhema 2010 began, everything seemed like a task to and for me. I loathe it when my (rare) desire to dwell in melancholy is overpowered by my choleric temperament to solve problems, disengage and move on. I may not show it, but I hate being unemotional. I hate it, really. It was never like that before when I was younger – what’s happening to me? I have become intolerant to affection and indifferent to sentiment. I must never become irrelevant to the people I love and disinterested in the world that I live in.
3. I experienced a paradigm shift on Monday. I repented before God for being transactional in the way that I related to Him, my mentors and mentorees. It is my deep desire that my relationships with people evolve into transformational journeys, and not just transactional events. I got so annoyed at myself for getting ahead of myself. I must learn to differentiate between form and substance. I must not allow intentionality descend into the abyss of transactions. There’s so much more – I don’t want to settle for anything lesser (with presumptuousness)!
4. This week, I finally caught a glimpse of why Peter Chao and Edmund Chan prizes mentoring relationships above ministry leadership. After spending the evening with DYLM, I understood it; while leading R-AGE to the next level is what I will always aspire to do, being a friend and mentor to my beloved shepherds and mentorees is what I shall desire to be for all my days. And I believe the turning point was this week – when investing into their lives becomes the topmost ministry priority for me; let’s see how God helps me to translate that into action.
5. I’ve completely messed up what “intentional” means. And I’ve shortchanged myself with my mentors and shortchanged my mentorees when they’re with me. Oh Lord, help me to undo what I’ve foolishly done! Humble and help me to learn from this. Intentional is when I take a step back to allow God to use me to minister to people. Intentional is when I seize opportunities. I know I’m speaking in code and only I will decrypt it. Ironically, agenda is the enemy of intentionality. Yes, I have identified my “Peter, James and John”; the journey with them begins now…
6. I could have a hundred mentors and a thousand mentorees, but nobody could ever take the place of each one of them in my heart. It’s not about calendar or content… No one could replace no one. One of the worst feelings in mentoring (or life in general), even though it’s theoretically unhealthy, is the feeling of abandonment. I understand how you felt now because I felt it myself… Now it’s up to me to take the next step towards reconciliation – I know it is about to unfold. Oh God, give me wisdom to repair relationships. People aren’t statistics and mentors aren’t vending machines; I am humbled.
7. I intentionally (URGH – the use of that word fills me with disgust!) rescheduled all my appointments next week because I’m in desperate need of an extended break. Regardless of how invincible I’ve always perceived myself to be, still I couldn’t shake off the emptiness that accompanied the disengagement from an intensive two-month discipleship programme. I gave so much away my tank is almost empty. It happened last year and again it happened this year. I am a fool to think I could have overcome it. (Now I understand why I was compelled to read Wayne Cordeiro’s “Leading On Empty”.) It’s time to recharge.
8. Leading a youth ministry from 80 to 120 people within a year makes any youth pastor swell with pride… But nothing – and I mean it, nothing! – is more satisfying and encouraging than watching my successors take the lead to bless me… This afternoon, they instructed me to sit back, relax and do absolutely nothing tonight – and I did just that. I cannot thank God enough for their deed and gesture. Keith and Yixian, you both are God’s precious gifts to me and I will remember that I am leading a group of youths who love me deeply and want me just as I am. You have honoured me tonight – thank you.
9. I thank God for the parental green light to (at last!) take our relationship to the next level in 2012. I may not have the emotional capacity to respond but cognitively, it’s one of the greatest news I’ve received in a while. What a privilege – thank you for daring to entrust your daughter to me; she is most special because one has ever made me want to love her more than I love myself. You have no idea how much we are looking forward to our union. God has answered our year-long prayer; He is faithful indeed!
10. I really hope to commence, complete and continue my theological education at Fuller Seminary and I am truly convinced that it will come to pass one day…
ten dominant thoughts to sleep on.
1. REAL 2011 is likely to be my final batch; I must treasure my remaining time with them and be thankful instead of being frustrated or disappointed.
2. I look forward to heading the youth conference this year-end with a team of youth leaders. Things will change – I guarantee revolution, no less.
3. I will never stop believing in young people; if you don’t – that’s your problem – don’t make it mine; I see potential differently from the way you do.
4. While youth ministers must get comfortable with going the extra mile and not receiving any appreciation for it, it doesn’t mean they should get used to it.
5. Which is worse – realising that you are not putting in your best or realising that your best is simply not good enough? Shortchange or sub-standards?
6. So, I am mildly stressed – with the coming mission trip, a potentially life-changing meal and my first evangelistic sermon this Saturday. Lord, how?
7. I’m dichotomous when it comes to friendship – fiercely loyal to those whom I love and have scant regard to those whom I’ve lost respect for.
8. I joined full-time ministry to do pastoral work, not administration; God, I need mercy and patience for incompetency, inadequacy and incompatibility.
9. The antithesis of my life – apathy, superficiality and doubting young people – I don’t want to be associated with these traits or people who possess it.
10. Good is the enemy of great; don’t ever settle, get complacent or think that you’ve arrived – pride goes before a fall. Always a good reminder for all.
no one would say it any better; Jesus > MOE.
I know I’ve lost the momentum to write again – I blame the weekend – but in my daily (my youth leaders call it stalking, but I call it) web-trawling, I read an article written by one of my favourite youths (Okay, I have a lot of favourites. HAHA). I’ve seen this fine young lady mature from a loud and energetic 14-year-old girl to well, a loud and energetic 20-year-old young adult, except that she’s got tons more wisdom between her shoulders now. (:
Her short testimony demonstrates the wisdom that she has gained over the years and proves the power of hindsight at the present – and how it provides insight of the past – and eventually foresight into the future. Today, only two out of the eight post-‘O’ level students in REAL 2011 were posted into their first choice. A part of me is clueless in dispensing advice, except in encouraging them to remain hopeful and trust in God; it has been more than a decade since I received my posting results, so it takes someone who’s current to the education system to encourage these students with conviction and credibility.
I’ve always stated that Jesus > Grades in my sermons or on Facebook; I mean seriously, did you really think that a B or C could stop God’s will from unfolding in your life? Tonight, I’ll reiterate this point – Jesus > Posting; getting into your 2nd or 9th choice isn’t the end of God’s will for you – in fact, it’s PART of God’s will. Why am I so confident? I say this with such conviction because I know you’ll unravel the answers for yourself a couple of years later. The real question to ask is: can/do you trust Him? I can because Jesus > MOE and Jesus > Education.
(For those who are keen, you can read Yixian’s excellent sharing here: I thank God for bad results.)
Remember, young people, God’s faithfulness is best experienced at the END of a journey, never at the beginning; and you just got started! Chins up – you’re walking on good ground! (:
the one day i felt inferior.
I shall take a risk to post this entry and put myself on the altar of transparency because I want to give God glory.
***
This afternoon, during project discussion with my RMIT course mates, I saw my former course mate from my Mass Communication days in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. It has been a decade since we were both in the same education institution.
I didn’t dare to say hello to him.
No, it wasn’t because there was bad blood between us or that I disliked him. I avoided him because I felt inferior. Yes, you read it right – INFERIOR. And I don’t normally feel that way. It was a foreign feeling I was certainly not used to. And I didn’t enjoy it one bit.
I think, by any yardstick, I consider myself a man with considerable accomplishments. My professional achievements would look good in any curriculum vitae. After all, I’ve authored and edited books, set up a marketing department from scratch, negotiated significant business deals, organised countless marketplace and ministry events, held leadership positions no matter where I was, and have had overseas working experience.
But I couldn’t hold a candle to this classmate.
He’s a world-class musician who has travelled the globe, wrote a few books himself (and his text is now used in conservatories as part of its curriculum), featured in many media publications, and has studied enough to change his salutation from ‘Mr’ to ‘Dr’.
So while I was discussing project work with my course mates, he was returning to a lecture – because he was the lecturer.
Reality hit me harshly; it became inevitable that I benchmarked myself against him.
My confidence plummeted to an all-day low. It was then I felt the Spirit quietly searching for the location of my security. It was a sobering reminder (and yet a reassurance) that I must hang on to John 15:5, my life verse, with my life.
I texted my soul mate Huiyi and while her reassurances helped to make a difference in the way I felt at that moment, I knew that I was being tested for something far deeper than external comparisons. Am I contented with who I am today and who God has made me to be and do? Honestly, I struggled to say yes; it was a long journey from the head to the heart.
Well, God has a sense of humour. Yes, I’m not a lecturer and I do not teach students in school. But I’m a preacher who has the privilege of shepherding youths in church. I may not have the professional competence of a ‘Dr’, but I have a private calling to be a pastor. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Well, while thinking like that does make me feel better about who I am and what I do (at least temporarily), it’s more important that I remember whose I am and what I’ve been commissioned to do.
Lord, reign in me and rein me in again. I love You, Lord. Not for man’s applause, but for Your approval. Thank You for the encounter today. It tested my resolve and I’m glad You helped me to resolve it. Apart from Jesus, I can do nothing; I am absolutely nothing without Christ.
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 