Category Archives: The Greatest Gift

The greatest gift one could ever give to a young person is to believe in him or her; may you and I give generously then.

review of the unattainable girl, seven years later.

I found an interesting post which I wrote seven years ago and I thought it made for good reading. It’s regarding my dream girl – so impossible to find I called her the unattainable girl. Here’s how I described her…

  1. She shouldn’t just be a Christian. She must be in love with God so much she inspires me to fall even deeper in love with Him.
  2. A family person, because I am. I think being family oriented is of utmost importance.
  3. Has a kind-hearted nature. You know, the kind who will gladly help a granny cross the road, return a wallet, give up a seat, etc. She should have a big and generous heart!
  4. Doesn’t necessarily have to be pretty, but she must be beautiful. Get it?
  5. Her confidence should exude in the way she carries herself.
  6. Some girls have a glow… And some girls have a Jesus glow.
  7. I always believe a healthy body produces a healthy mind i.e. be physically fit. We can exercise together!
  8. Well, being patient and understanding are cliché traits to ask for, but when those are essential when it comes to dealing with me.
  9. Please do not be whiny… And please do not cry all the time… And please do not go “Sooooooo cute!!!” too often.
  10. Crazy about children, because I’m thrilled about them! I can’t wait to be a father!
  11. I hope she’s NOT taller than me. *hopes* I wanna look good beside her!
  12. Football is part of me, so it’d be great if it was part of her. This would be way cool but it won’t be important though. A bonus if she cheers for TeamR-AGE and Man Utd.
  13. Be ever so supportive of what I do and what I ought to do.
  14. Nice hair, eyes and complexion, because I don’t have these.
  15. A captivating smile to take my breath away, a tender touch to cool my hot-temper, a soothing voice to calm my kancheong-spider nature and an affectionate hug to assure me everything’s gonna be all right.
  16. Oh I certainly hope our conversations are filled with laughter, wit and genuinity. She should be capable of small talk and big talk too. Oh, and please pretend to be amused even when I start to say lame things… One day my mojo will run out. Hopefully only when I die.
  17. A lively and intelligent mind to stimulate the relationship and the conversations, and to always keep things fresh.
  18. Being sweet and thoughtful are lovely traits to have as well.
  19. She’s single, available and wants a long-term relationship? She’s a wife-to-be, not a girlfriend.
  20. She must not snore… Although this won’t be applicable during the initial years of courtship, but still…
  21. Last but not least… She loves me as much as I love her. Balance you know?

Sounds like a great deal? Haha. Maybe. Probably. Well, I know I definitely do not deserve a girl like this (if she even exists in the first place). But hey, I did not deserve Christ too. So, I won’t speak too soon… Optimism lights my path. Hehe…

So that was seven years ago, eons before I even set eyes on Huiyi… I thank God that she’s everything I want and need, and all that I am searching for. I may not be the best she knows or vice-versa, but I believe we’re the best for each other. I thank God for sending me Huiyi and if God-willing, I look forward to spending this lifetime with her. (:

Post script: I shall alter trait #21 in light of being with Huiyi. If you are searching for a girlfriend, please make sure that she inspires and motivates you to LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF BY SIMPLY BEING HERSELF. This was one of the factors that really drew me to Huiyi and she didn’t even need to do anything to attract me this way, except to be herself!

have you considered switching lenses?

This entry is referenced from the book of Haggai, where we observe two types of workers in the church. The older ones had probably experienced some form of glory days before. Hence it would be natural for them to:

  • Look backwards towards good old days
  • Reminisce past memories
  • Remember what it used to be, and
  • Relive history

More often than not, this constant comparison would leave them disappointed and disillusioned. The younger ones, however, are anticipating their own days of glory. Hence you would expect them to:

  • Look forward towards new beginnings
  • Be out to create new memories
  • Imagine what it could be, and
  • Want to make history

So this would naturally result in them being energised and driven. The difference was that the younger ones caught sight of the future – a glimpse of greatness and a flash of hope! So I believe that at the end of the day, in light of positivity or negativity which would inevitably happen around us, it boils down to perspective!

Ed Silvoso once said, “The greatest hindrance to faith is not unbelief but memories.” I concur. Our memories can indeed become hindrances and limitations to what God can do because we have a tendency to repeat positives and avoid negatives. This causes us to be reluctant to embrace new ideas and initiatives. Let’s not get caught in the rearview mirror. We must learn to honour the past, cherish the present and anticipate the future. It’s not our past that determines our future but God’s presence.

My favourite footballer, Eric Cantona (whom I saw in person just last week!) once said this, after he returned from an eight-month ban from kung-fu kicking a fan who verbally abused him – “I use the past to breed a better future.” We must not compare the former R-AGE, e-Gigs, camps, conferences or any other events (or even people!) with the future R-AGE. Every year is different and quite rightly so! Instead, we must look forward to the future with hope and expect that God will bring us from glory to glory.

For the older ones – don’t dishearten the younger ones… And for the younger ones – set an example for your leaders by inspiring and motivating them with your energy! When the energy of the young and the experience of the old comes together, the youth group becomes a powerful place.

Instead of comparing today with what happened in the past, the older ones must instead:

  • Remind the youths of their heritage
  • Encourage them
  • Rely on their strength, and
  • Not be wet blankets and water down their passion

Most importantly, they must provide a platform for God’s purposes to be performed through the younger ones. In turn, the younger ones must approach the elders this way:

  • Remind them of their destiny
  • Enthuse them
  • Glean from their wisdom, and
  • Not be foolish and ignore the advice of the older ones

One of the best thing they could do for themselves would be to approach the older ones to be mentored by them so that God’s purposes in their life could be progressed. The most dangerous thing for us to do is to compromise and meet in the middle – we end up neither here nor there and result in dissatisfaction. We must dream together to birth what God has deposited in our hearts! Remember, it’s all about interchanging our perspective for a better one from God!

ten disjointed thoughts and an attempt to resume writing.

1. Numbness is a clear symptom of pre-burnout; it’s a terrible feeling (paradoxically speaking) not being able to feel. All I asked God for today was to help me love Him with my heart. I have little problems loving Him with my mind, soul and strength or even loving others. But to love God with my emotions seemed like the hardest thing to do. Nonetheless, the key word here, is “pre” and the response to numbness is gratitude of foresight; the insight of foresight.

2. Ever since planning for Rhema 2010 began, everything seemed like a task to and for me. I loathe it when my (rare) desire to dwell in melancholy is overpowered by my choleric temperament to solve problems, disengage and move on. I may not show it, but I hate being unemotional. I hate it, really. It was never like that before when I was younger – what’s happening to me? I have become intolerant to affection and indifferent to sentiment. I must never become irrelevant to the people I love and disinterested in the world that I live in.

3. I experienced a paradigm shift on Monday. I repented before God for being transactional in the way that I related to Him, my mentors and mentorees. It is my deep desire that my relationships with people evolve into transformational journeys, and not just transactional events. I got so annoyed at myself for getting ahead of myself. I must learn to differentiate between form and substance. I must not allow intentionality descend into the abyss of transactions. There’s so much more – I don’t want to settle for anything lesser (with presumptuousness)!

4. This week, I finally caught a glimpse of why Peter Chao and Edmund Chan prizes mentoring relationships above ministry leadership. After spending the evening with DYLM, I understood it; while leading R-AGE to the next level is what I will always aspire to do, being a friend and mentor to my beloved shepherds and mentorees is what I shall desire to be for all my days. And I believe the turning point was this week – when investing into their lives becomes the topmost ministry priority for me; let’s see how God helps me to translate that into action.

5. I’ve completely messed up what “intentional” means. And I’ve shortchanged myself with my mentors and shortchanged my mentorees when they’re with me. Oh Lord, help me to undo what I’ve foolishly done! Humble and help me to learn from this. Intentional is when I take a step back to allow God to use me to minister to people. Intentional is when I seize opportunities. I know I’m speaking in code and only I will decrypt it. Ironically, agenda is the enemy of intentionality. Yes, I have identified my “Peter, James and John”; the journey with them begins now…

6. I could have a hundred mentors and a thousand mentorees, but nobody could ever take the place of each one of them in my heart. It’s not about calendar or content… No one could replace no one. One of the worst feelings in mentoring (or life in general), even though it’s theoretically unhealthy, is the feeling of abandonment. I understand how you felt now because I felt it myself… Now it’s up to me to take the next step towards reconciliation – I know it is about to unfold. Oh God, give me wisdom to repair relationships. People aren’t statistics and mentors aren’t vending machines; I am humbled.

7. I intentionally (URGH – the use of that word fills me with disgust!) rescheduled all my appointments next week because I’m in desperate need of an extended break. Regardless of how invincible I’ve always perceived myself to be, still I couldn’t shake off the emptiness that accompanied the disengagement from an intensive two-month discipleship programme. I gave so much away my tank is almost empty. It happened last year and again it happened this year. I am a fool to think I could have overcome it. (Now I understand why I was compelled to read Wayne Cordeiro’s “Leading On Empty”.) It’s time to recharge.

8. Leading a youth ministry from 80 to 120 people within a year makes any youth pastor swell with pride… But nothing – and I mean it, nothing! – is more satisfying and encouraging than watching my successors take the lead to bless me… This afternoon, they instructed me to sit back, relax and do absolutely nothing tonight – and I did just that. I cannot thank God enough for their deed and gesture. Keith and Yixian, you both are God’s precious gifts to me and I will remember that I am leading a group of youths who love me deeply and want me just as I am. You have honoured me tonight – thank you.

9. I thank God for the parental green light to (at last!) take our relationship to the next level in 2012. I may not have the emotional capacity to respond but cognitively, it’s one of the greatest news I’ve received in a while. What a privilege – thank you for daring to entrust your daughter to me; she is most special because one has ever made me want to love her more than I love myself. You have no idea how much we are looking forward to our union. God has answered our year-long prayer; He is faithful indeed!

10. I really hope to commence, complete and continue my theological education at Fuller Seminary and I am truly convinced that it will come to pass one day…

could she be “the one”?

I was a serial crusher.

No, not a destroyer of boys, but a (puppy) lover of girls. During my teenage years, I must have had crushes on practically every girl I laid eyes on, so long as they were pleasant-looking. Yes, I admit I was shallow. You mean, you never were? (:

I’m pretty sure Lionel remembers how I used to daftly declare to him, every time I got attached, “She’s the one” or “This time, it’s real”. He must have gotten so immune to these proclamations because he patronised me all the time. We laugh it off whenever we talk about it now, but back then when my hormones were raging, I really believed myself when I made those mindless declarations.

I wanted to get attached to every single girl that I had a crush on and marry every single girl that I dated. Crazy, I know. So thank God it didn’t happen, otherwise, I’d never get to be with the lovely and irreplaceable Huiyi. (:

Well, as I stand on the horizon of marriage, it got me thinking about that statement – “She’s the one”. And I wonder how many of you actually believe in that – that there’s ONE person out that who is set apart for you and that you should spend your whole life waiting for or pursuing THAT one.

Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as “The One”. It’s an absolutely ludicrous statement to make.

Think about it, all it takes is for ONE person to screw up and everyone else would end up being with SOMEONE else besides the ONE that’s set apart for them. For example, if Ah Beng is destined to be the ONE for Ah Lian but breaks up with her, and Ah Lian begins to date Ah Seng while Ah Beng ends up with Ah Huay, then the ONE whom Ah Huay and Ah Seng was supposed to be with will never end up with Ah Huay and Ah Seng respectively! (Get it?)

It just takes ONE wrong combination and the entire universe would be in complete chaos; this entire world would be mismatched! Can you imagine being with someone else’s ONE? Eeeks – it would be a disaster!

Hence, it’s utter rubbish that there’s ONE person out there for you, so stop your search for that elusive ONE.

HOWEVER… Once you get married, your spouse immediately becomes THE ONE. I’m not God and so it’d be presumptuous and arrogant for me to declare, regardless of how confident I am, that Huiyi’s THE ONE for me. I mean, honestly, many things could happen before we tie the knot (and both of us have never take our relationship for granted). But once we exchange matrimonial vows, we immediately become THE ONE for each other. And our mission, once we share the same surname, is to continue to make each other THE ONE for each other. (Get it?)

So think about it, if you haven’t already. Stop your search for THE ONE. (This ridiculous treasure hunt has been the cause of many relationship failures. I think it’s especially relevant to committed couples who have dated for a long time – they get sick of each other or one party changes drastically in a short span of time – and they start looking elsewhere, for the greener grass on the other side.) Instead, start BEING the one.

And I promise you, all the right ones will come knocking on your door. The only “one” you’ll think about is whether you “want” to be committed or not.

***

my new wallet photo!

Today – 22 January 2011, Huiyi and I celebrate 37 months together and the longer we are together, the more committed we are to be THE ONE for each other. So for the 1,126th time, I shall declare it daily – I love you, sweetie, more than yesterday, less than tomorrow. I want to remain committed to this one. (:

 

 

15 thoughts after “15”.

I’ve decided to take on Serene Wee’s encouragement, and to just get started on writing; it’s heartening and humbling to know that my words have an audience. To remove deterrents, I shall cease to tag from this point forth. And to get me restarted, I shall spill my thoughts after watching Royston Tan’s brilliant film, “15”, as part of my school work.

1. The movie left me with a heavy heart and I found myself retreating and interceding for all 15-year-old youths and juvenile delinquents after the movie ended. I prayed especially for those in R-AGE and those whom I know have drifted away due to their encounters with crime.

2. As these were true-life characters, last night was the first time I actually prayed for movie protagonists – Vynn, Melvin, Shaun, Erick and Armani. This is the only instance I’ve ever committed on-screen characters to God, and know that He would show mercy and grace to these five boys, wherever they are now.

3. I discovered my pastoral heart for juvenile delinquents for a variety of reasons:

  • I’m confident that, if not for Jesus, I would have ended up as one
  • I could actually understand 100% of the profanities they used and 75% of the dialect they spoke
  • They are lost, helpless and alone, like many other and any other young person
  • They have no one to turn to because society, together with their parents, have turned away from them
  • Their number one need is for the love of Jesus to reign in their hearts more than anything else

4. To the best of my ability, I will never allow a Normal Technical, ITE student or anyone who is not in the mainstream education track to feel out-of-place in R-AGE. The youth group is, and must always, remain a safe place. That said, I will also fiercely protect my sheep if they are in danger of being hurt by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

5. Single-parenthood could well be society’s greatest destructive force. And by the way, parents, listen up and listen good – comparing your child to someone else’s is one of the worst things you could ever do for them. If you are still doing it, it’s time to halt and repent; oh trust me, you won’t like it if they compared your inadequacies with another set of parents.

6. The issue of suicide and death in teenagers’ minds is closer than I think; oh Lord, please make me sensitive to all the warning signs. God forbid that I lose a young person to premature departure. Not on my watch, Lord, please. The youths in R-AGE must NEVER, EVER trivialise suicide; death is not and will never be a way of escape. It is my prayer that the media is responsible for guarding the thoughts of impressionable teenagers.

7. Rebellion isn’t a phenomenon to be mocked at or shunned. No, it’s a real cry for help more than anything else. There is real fear in those bloodshot hooligan eyes. Oh Lord, make me sensitive to reactive rebellious behaviour and give me favour and access into the lives of these youths; I know one of R-AGE @ GII’s reasons for existence is to reach this special group of youths.

8. Troubled youths, beneath all the bravado they exhibit, are lonely individuals searching for love and acceptance in a family cluster, just like regular ones.

9. How will I be remembered amongst the people whom I have the privilege and honour of walking and crossing paths with, be it for an hour or a year?

10. The way we view life determines the way we approach it; I thank God for making me an eternal optimist. However, I earnestly pray that I would become sensitive to pessimists and emotionally destructive people – may God expand my capacity and patience for them and to love them the way He does.

11. Sometimes, the most powerful way to tend to each other’s wounds is to be silent; when dealing with someone who’s hurt, the last thing you want to say is something he or she already knows. Just shut up and be present.

12. A better education should never give young people the opportunity to be snobbish and arrogant bastards (please, forgive the language). Instead, it should move these educated privileged ones to return something to society and make a difference to the lives of those who are not as educated as they are. Education must enlighten and exude goodwill and compassion, not apathy and individualism. Don’t ever be a NATO – no action, talk only. Respect must be imbued into our syllabus and fused into our upbringing, regardless of race or religion. The “educated”, for all its worth, must remain a neutral, factual word and should not condescend the “uneducated”.

13. Unity indeed, is strength. Oh Lord, help me to unite the youths whom you have given to me for a good and godly cause. I pray that You would cause division and divide amongst youths who are banding together for a destructive purpose – from gossip to gang fights – for it is just as damaging.

14. I make an impassioned plea to all youths who will ever read what’s been written here – there is always a better way than foolishness; the recklessness you demonstrate today will echo in the short-lived eternity of your life. And you may just live to regret it. I don’t wish that to happen to any young person. One of the saddest thing to hear from someone is, “I told you so…”.

15. Living without hope or purpose could well be death tragically experienced while alive. I am thankful that I am not living to die, but dying to live. I am convinced that the causes and ramifications of gangsterism is loneliness and rejection.

Let’s go through some of the things I said during my vision-casting sermon, that R-AGE @ GII will stand for:

  • Redeemed youths redeem youths
  • Youth Communities will grow, glow and go
  • Ministry Extensions will reach, relate and reveal
  • Youth services will be engaging, excellent and exciting
  • Meet felt needs earnestly, lead passionately, connect authentically and believe wholeheartedly

Oh Lord, please this a youth group that redeems a generation for eternity!

ten ways to inspire hope to a generation.

1. Give them a vision. And see their commitment in action. I think young people are not afraid to work hard; they are only afraid of a lack of vision.

2. Believe in them wholeheartedly. This never, ever gets old. Being patient with and watching them blossom is one of life’s most beautiful scenes.

3. Challenge them to follow Jesus. One of the best ways to fire up a youth group is to see young people make first-time decisions for Jesus.

4. Remind them to evangelise. R-AGE, we must remember that eGig is not for entertainment and iGig is not for interest; heck, it’s not even for us.

5. Give them a platform to perform. The unpredictability of young people never fail to surprise and impress me. And of course, make me ROTFL.

6. Let them express themselves. Their creativity and spontaneity always reminds me to trust them, that one day, they will eventually get it right.

7. Watch them worship God; they will inspire you. ‎Stella’s deeply emotive performance tonight was BY FAR the best dance performance I’ve ever witnessed.

8. Create memories for them, for it galvanises the ministry; pictured above is the first combined R-AGE photograph since GI and GII became autonomous.

9. Intercede on their behalf. The highlight of my day was gathering with a few of my key leaders to pray and cry for one of our hurting leaders.

10. Thank God for them. It is my joy, pride, privilege and honour to be a part of R-AGE, and my awesome responsibility to lead and pastor them.

finally, the winner is…!

All right, this post comes 125 entries later, but as the cliché goes, better late than never!

Many moons ago, I set up a competition to give away a handsome, spanking new branded NKJV Bible (worth $40+) and there were a number of people who very kindly submitted their reflections. I took a million years to decide on the winner and when I finally decided on the winner, I never found the right opportunity to pass her the gift! But last Friday, we finally met and I was delighted to give her the Bible.

Basically, the task was to extract a quote or an entire article to reflect on, and the winner is… SERENE WEE!

Thank you for taking part in this little competition and thank you for your support! Please allow me to share with you her two-page winning essay; she has written her insights based on the article, “you plant seeds, not pluck fruits.” I sincerely hope you enjoy reading her thoughts as much as I have!

Please consider this my entry to your competition. Reason being, this post came at just the right time in my life, and my thoughts about them are particularly personal. As you know, I am not all that involved in the youth ministry, but as a children’s church teacher a lot of the things you mentioned I find applicable to children’s ministry as well.

Childhood is the soil which determines what sort of teenagers and adults these kids grow into. If that is any indicator, then I must admit that I am literally stunned sometimes. I think, “If they can be so selfish, so rude, so cynical even at such an age, what then?”

“let them be, let them fall and let them learn”

This struck me particularly because I realise there are times when “No! Don’t do that!” doesn’t cut it anymore. Not that setting boundaries is not important, but after one whole week of being restrained in a classroom of 40 children, constantly shouted at to keep quiet, I think church teachers should strike a better balance when we see them on Sundays. Honestly, this phrase of yours really got me thinking about the children’s perspective, and how they may react to my actions, more.

“I encourage you to manage your expectations”

I think sometimes we’re so caught up on helping the child to achieve the “best” and forsaking the process, just as in the secular world. I was doing a craft with my class the other day, when this boy asked me if he could colour his foam flower with a marker. I looked at the flower and the flower itself was coloured, so I thought, if he adds colour on it, it wouldn’t look nice. So I said, no. But later I wondered why I wanted to wrest artistic license from him just because I thought it would look nicer. The craft was for mother’s day, and is not the child’s own effort, creativity and sincerity more important than “niceness”? With my control, he had one less chance to learn. And this is of course applicable in so many things.

“Their encouragement is a bonus, not a necessity; I’d love to receive it, but I do not need it to do what I am called to do.”

Yes, yes and yes!

“For if a leader is motivated by recognition and appreciation, he is sure to be left disappointed and disillusioned at some point.”

It is through personal experience that I know this to be true as well. I am a person who is very motivated by appreciation. Give me one nice phrase and I could probably remember it for life. But this can really distract from the primary purpose of ministry. Not only in terms of wanting recognition more than serving God faithfully, but in terms of what KIND of recognition is craved for.

In children’s church there are weeks when we have to do master teaching, which is basically teaching the lesson. Teachers have the freedom to structure the lesson as they will, and they can add in whatever games, object lessons etc. that they think would help bring the point home better. After weeks of hearing other teachers say “oh you teach so well”, and “oh the background you use for your powerpoint slides are so nice!” I found myself one night before a particular master teaching session, trawling the internet for nice backgrounds. My dad looked at me and said, “Instead of spending so much time on this, why don’t you spend more time praying for the children?” Wake up call!

And sometimes when leading worship (yes we juggle multiple roles in CC haha), I find myself judging the success of the worship session based on how many children are singing, and how many are raising their hands. While I do believe an outward expression of praise is important, I’ve come to realise, that I cannot simply look at the surface. The last thing the world needs is to have children learn hypocrisy at a young age. And if the children DON’T sing, will I then stop praising God with all my heart?

A lot of times too, teachers tend to take some form of pride in their ability to handle the classroom. And again, while I view that to be important, how sad is it that I should be praised for being able to make a rowdy class keep quiet. This to me, is again, simply on the surface. To show love, I believe I ought to dig deeper.

“that it is our job is to plant seeds, not pluck fruits.”

The way I read this goes hand in hand with the idea of patience. Matthew (Tan) once encouraged CC teachers that though they may not see it now, the children they teach may one day grow up to really love and serve Christ – men and women of God. Perhaps it’s because I am not that old myself, but I will think, “Huh, must wait sooooo long lehhh.” And that is the thing about planting seeds. Because seeds take time to grow, it’ll need a lot of patience to see them grow to fruition, or, like you said, we may not have the privilege to see that at all.

And so it hearkens back to what rewards we are looking for. The ones in heaven, or the earthly ones?

But my children do surprise me. Some surprise me with little bouts of maturity, way beyond what I expect from them. Some rough and tough ones surprise me with their gentleness. Some surprise me with their creativity. Some surprise me with their smiles and loving words.