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top ten signs of insecurity.

If there was any weakness that was almost synonymous with any young person, it would be insecurity. Following close would be identity crisis, which incidentally is birthed from insecurity. Growing up with a Sanguine personality, I am able to identify with youths (and adults alike) who struggle with this problem. I can offer little solution except my own – I found my security in God, who doesn’t just doesn’t change (get it?), but is also constant. This helps me to trust in Him, knowing that at the end of the day, He alone makes me whole and He alone is completely in control of what’s going on, even when things feel as though it will come crumbling down. I can’t speak for every insecure person, but these were some of the things I did when I was younger, as a defence mechanism against the ugliness and unpleasantness of insecurity. Maybe it’d strike a chord with you?

1. I ranked friends and always moved their positions based on how they treated me.

2. I rushed in and out of relationships for I was afraid of being single and lonely.

3. I took great pains to look good and spent lots of time enhancing my appearance.

4. I spent lots of money on material items to stay “ahead” of the crowd – to be first.

5. I did and said things to attract attention because I wanted to be in the limelight.

6. I picked on and poked fun at people who were weaker and slower than I was.

7. I manipulated people’s feelings to make myself feel good and better than others.

8. I hid behind an ego and always needed to prove to others how good I was.

9. I was extremely possessive of my friends and my status in their lives.

10. I was afraid to tell others my flaws so they won’t change their impression of me.

11. I gave in willing and compromised to make people happy so that I’d be accepted.

12. I hid behind humour and found great comfort in being the funny and witty guy.

13. I could never ever deal with awkward silences in conversations, so I talk non-stop.

14. I hated it when people scorned or slammed my ideas – I couldn’t handle rejection.

15. I was always on the defensive (and offensive) whenever people questioned me.

16. I was bossy and always needed to be in control of every situation, regardless.

17. I thrived on people’s approval (of me, or the things I did) and sought mainly that.

18. I hated losing and constantly needed to be in pole position in any competition.

19. I criticised others when they criticised me even when they were faultless.

20. I emotionally blackmailed those whom I loved so I could control them.

I know this is supposed to be a top ten list but listing all these things came so naturally I had to double the quota. I may be in my mid-twenties already and I may be a church leader, but I’m still a wretched human being with an abundance of weaknesses. I’d be the first to raise my hand and to admit that I’m still struggling (and may continue to struggle with it all my life!) with some of these symptoms. However, the older I get, the more battles I win against insecurity, the more I am convinced that the grace of God is the only solution for this perennial problem. Next week, I will post the top ten recommended scriptures one could commit to memory and use to counter insecurity. It is my prayer that we break this bondage in our lives in the victory that comes with Jesus Christ!

the men who mentor me.

I know, I know, this blog seems to have gone through another parched period. And I hope, that by 1st March, I’ll be able to write regularly. Do bear with me as I am about to resume normalcy in my life. As I’ve said it many times before, there are so many thoughts in my head, it’d be an accomplishment if I’m able to capture and expand on one thought per day.

The virtual silence is by no means a representation of the frenzy that I have experienced in my schedule over the last two months. It’s been crazy, but I like crazy. It’s been intense, but I thrive on intensity. I just returned from an 8-day trip to Sri Lanka (point proven, I didn’t even get a chance to post prayer requests!) and I’m in the midst of preparing for the REAL graduation ceremony this Sunday. On that note, it’s going to be a bittersweet afternoon.

Nonetheless I shall break the reticence by being thankful for the mighty men in my life. I’ve had countless mentors over the past decade and their presence in my life does compensate (to an extent) the lack of a fatherly figure. These men have sharpened and shaped my character and they play a part in who I have become today. Currently, I’m privileged and honoured to be mentored by the following mighty men:

  • On pastoring and relationships, I have RY.
  • On family and finances, I have PL.
  • On leadership, I have PC.
  • And the latest addition… Yes, it’s official today (!!!), on mentoring and preaching, I have BH.

So yes, I am blessed and really thankful for the road I’ve travelled with them but I’m more excited about the road that we’re about to travel. I cannot wait to pick their minds and learn from their journeys of faith and experiences. May I imitate their interpretation of who Jesus is to them and may I continue to remain teachable and open to their words of Godly wisdom and advice for me.

I guess this only bodes well for the younger men and women that I am mentoring. It’s gonna be a great ride!

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