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day two – hurt people hurt people.

These are the things on my mind at the close of the second day at Grace Retreat 2010.

  • When God pursues you, it is because He’s looking for a mouth to speak through, to accomplish His own purposes for His own glory.
  • Let us be wary about a cavalier attitude towards our calling and God’s anointing in our lives; many feel the touch of the mantle, but only a few respond to it.
  • Does authority come from positions and statuses or come from the Lord? A rhetorical question but a necessary reminder. Do you find security in who you are or what you do? What a timely reality check.
  • A stronghold is like a prison that keeps you in and keeps others out.
  • Fear may cause us to isolate ourselves and cause a driven person who is performance-oriented to gain acceptance this way.
  • A prior rejection of others may cause us to reject people even before they get a chance to reject us, as a result of our self-defence mechanisms.
  • Flying a kite teaches us a lesson on letting go; but beyond that, it teaches us to relinquish control of our own power to release it to a greater power that will take the kite to places that we could never imagine we could in the limitations of our power and ability; we should let go for something greater.
  • God challenged my perspective on being authentic. I used to live by, “Why should I tell you who I am? If I tell you who I am, and you don’t like who I am, that’s all I’ve got.” It was time for a paradigm shift and to trust God to protect my esteem and security, regardless of who or what I encounter.

I look forward to Wednesday. 79 to go! You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, “Blessed be Your name”. I love You, Lord. Amen.

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top ten signs of insecurity.

If there was any weakness that was almost synonymous with any young person, it would be insecurity. Following close would be identity crisis, which incidentally is birthed from insecurity. Growing up with a Sanguine personality, I am able to identify with youths (and adults alike) who struggle with this problem. I can offer little solution except my own – I found my security in God, who doesn’t just doesn’t change (get it?), but is also constant. This helps me to trust in Him, knowing that at the end of the day, He alone makes me whole and He alone is completely in control of what’s going on, even when things feel as though it will come crumbling down. I can’t speak for every insecure person, but these were some of the things I did when I was younger, as a defence mechanism against the ugliness and unpleasantness of insecurity. Maybe it’d strike a chord with you?

1. I ranked friends and always moved their positions based on how they treated me.

2. I rushed in and out of relationships for I was afraid of being single and lonely.

3. I took great pains to look good and spent lots of time enhancing my appearance.

4. I spent lots of money on material items to stay “ahead” of the crowd – to be first.

5. I did and said things to attract attention because I wanted to be in the limelight.

6. I picked on and poked fun at people who were weaker and slower than I was.

7. I manipulated people’s feelings to make myself feel good and better than others.

8. I hid behind an ego and always needed to prove to others how good I was.

9. I was extremely possessive of my friends and my status in their lives.

10. I was afraid to tell others my flaws so they won’t change their impression of me.

11. I gave in willing and compromised to make people happy so that I’d be accepted.

12. I hid behind humour and found great comfort in being the funny and witty guy.

13. I could never ever deal with awkward silences in conversations, so I talk non-stop.

14. I hated it when people scorned or slammed my ideas – I couldn’t handle rejection.

15. I was always on the defensive (and offensive) whenever people questioned me.

16. I was bossy and always needed to be in control of every situation, regardless.

17. I thrived on people’s approval (of me, or the things I did) and sought mainly that.

18. I hated losing and constantly needed to be in pole position in any competition.

19. I criticised others when they criticised me even when they were faultless.

20. I emotionally blackmailed those whom I loved so I could control them.

I know this is supposed to be a top ten list but listing all these things came so naturally I had to double the quota. I may be in my mid-twenties already and I may be a church leader, but I’m still a wretched human being with an abundance of weaknesses. I’d be the first to raise my hand and to admit that I’m still struggling (and may continue to struggle with it all my life!) with some of these symptoms. However, the older I get, the more battles I win against insecurity, the more I am convinced that the grace of God is the only solution for this perennial problem. Next week, I will post the top ten recommended scriptures one could commit to memory and use to counter insecurity. It is my prayer that we break this bondage in our lives in the victory that comes with Jesus Christ!

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