Category Archives: In Your Face
Being authentic is one of my codes of conduct; I don’t want to be perfect, I just want to be real.
financial advice: how to invest your money.
I’m three months shy of turning 21 years old for the seventh time and I’d like to think that I’ve had a blessed life. Of course, I could always be happier but I’ve arrived at a stage of my life where I’ve never been so contented with my current material well-being.
I have a healthy variety of shirts, pants and shoes to choose from, a good collection of watches, a decent guitar, camera and laptop, a branded wallet and a smartphone. Two years ago, I remember counting my collection of 20+ Threadless t-shirts and 10+ Crumpler products. My room is hooked up with a 27″ LCD TV and a 5.1 surround-sound system. Bottom line is, there’s nothing I need, really, and I’m thankful to have (almost) everything that I’ve always wanted to purchase. I’ve done my fair share of possessions-accumulation during my days of earning a higher income.
But, so what? All these thing amounts to nothing at the end of the day for I will take none of these with me when I exit this earth; they will be useless and worthless eventually.
Of course I still have material desires – I’ve been eyeing this and this for some time now and each time I walk past an optical shop, I’d always check if that pair of sunnies is in stock and if there’s a promotion, and without fail, I’d politely say to the disappointed sales representative, “Okay thanks, maybe I’ll get it next time”, and walk away. Would I ever buy it? I think the question I ask myself these days is, “Is that good stewardship of money?” I’d be honest to admit that I’m still tempted by some items but I also deliberately desensitise myself from accumulating things.
I like what RS, the founder of this website, stated about conscious spending, for there’s truth and logic in his philosophy, even if it’s of a secular mentality:
“Spend extravagantly on what you love and cut costs mercilessly on what you don’t.”
Having a reduced income over the last nine months have certainly helped me to be more decisive and cruel in differentiating my needs and wants. At the same time, it has also helped to shape my “investment portfolio”. While I’m a prudent spender and a happy saver, I don’t think I’m qualified to give real financial advice – I mean, did you really think I was going to teach you how to invest your money on my blog? Come on! (:
But I’d like to share with you how I have been investing my money and why I’ve chosen to do it this way. Perhaps this could encourage or challenge you to revisit your spending habits and investment inclinations. I’m not sure if these items have eternal worth, but I’m confident that they have a life-long value. So, please allow me to share the three things I delightfully invest money in:
- People. I used to be stingy in treating people to meals. But over the years, I’ve learnt to be progressively generous, simply because people have been exceedingly generous with me. Nowadays, I’m always quite happy to foot the bill, especially if I am fellowshipping with a young person who has lesser resources. When people buy me meals, they indirectly tell me that I’m worth their time and money. And so, I pay (pun!) it forward – I hope my young people will feel the same way too – that they are worth my time and money. (Pun!) I’m putting my money where my mouth is. (I can also instantly detect those who are out to exploit this…)
- Knowledge. The older I get, the more I spend on books, seminars, conferences and audio CDs and DVDs. In fact, I just took advantage of the Desiring God July DVD sale and invested good money in some DVDs which I will be sharing with my cell. As for gifts, I also find myself buying books because I think that there’s nothing better than to give my friends the gift of knowledge. Besides, this is one investment that can be passed around, shared and revisited.
- Perspective. Lastly, I always enjoy expanding my horizon of perspectives and there’s no better way to do that than to visit new places and to do new things. I try to go on a couple of vacations every year and I always try to visit new destinations. I enjoy investing into my worldview (and sabbath too!). I get a kick from meeting new people, learning new languages, visiting new places, immersing in new cultures, tasting new cuisines and enjoying new experiences. And as a budding preacher, I believe that all these new perspectives will empower and enhance my ambitions to be a more dynamic and balanced communicator.
People, knowledge and perspectives are indefinitely more valuable than material possessions and I’d gladly invest extravagantly on them. Apart from these three items (at this point in my life), the rest of my money is really spent for function’s sake, like functional eating and functional travelling. My question then, to you, is:
What do you invest your money in?
distant… can you hear me?
I am so uninspired tonight yet I am overwhelmed at the same time. I need to sleep – I really do. But there’s so much on my mind, yet I can’t extract any. I need a release…
Distant
by Joey Asher
Need I resort to clambering
My face dragged against the floor
Yet I barely scratch the door to your heart
What must I do to get near you
I’ve contravened myself
And denied all that I’ve held fast to
Your whispers and your scent
They envelope me like a warm blanket
Your sweet blinks embraces me
And sends me into a fury of emotions
My heart fulminates and swells
But my mind etches out to confusion
My prison is my responsibility
Locked away with masticated emotions
Unknowingly involved unwittingly
Strong only as my strongest weakness
I pine to leave my quiescence
To step into action
To prove to you that all I want is all you are
And all I need is what you have
Inconspicuously, this prose reveals much
The overwhelming myriad of sensations
And the dichotomy of which leaves me in dire conditions
Akin to an antidote-less jet-lag, time might exact her healing authority
To wait, to deliberate
It forms the leitmotif of our song
To anticipate the moment
Where I lay bare my heart before you
A relentless quest breeds dauntlessness
And an abandoned fear of mockery inspires valour
Significance is lost when a mismatch transpires
Knowledge of my fondness for you remains abed
Reaching out, my troubled heart for hire
And bruised mind laced with reckless desire
An effrontery effort would repel
Yet it might resolve to be my bravest act
The bellicose strife of battles resides in my head
Tossed between making sense of it all
And the birth of these feelings – which is harder
A nebbish would not reconcile
Being near you comforts me
Being with you is my delirium
You send me into whirlpools of joy
And you are also the sanctum of my troubled soul
I have failed in umpteen attempts
To practise my practice and to refrain from contradiction
Lest amicability be misunderstood
To guard against an indurated pursuit
Uncertainty remains my greatest enemy
Yet it coexists as my immense epilogue
A prized trophy or a cherished race – I chose the latter
But my levity defies my determination
The day will arrive
The hour when my pain is palliated
I’ll search for you and keep you close
And treasure you with all I’ve got
These words are birthed in the atelier of my heart
And they have been since the distant March
I’ve lost control of my affection for you
Exiled dangerously in an investigated unknown
It couldn’t have been as touche as this
The gravitas of the situation herein lies
When I boldly declare my love for you
Greater than my fear without you
I’d sacrifice my reputation
And have it reduced to a lumpen state
If that would draw you to me
I’d gladly be a clown for you
Rejection shuns and shuts me out
A camouflaged backlash aggresses inaction
Proving that unrequited loving from a distance
Is easier than a spurn from close proximity
My incipient hopes may vanish
But it doesn’t cease my love for you
The object of my happiness
To see yours fulfilled
Through countless dawns, moons and seasons
I’d hold on and persist quixotically
The present may gratify more than an secret future
My biggest regret would to lose you without trying
Losing three was hard enough
To squander another would be disastrously jeremiad
I will parse my motives
And overcome fatality with wayworn obstinacy
Your reciprocation may seem perfunctory
But it’s a response nonetheless
At least I have your attention
Even for a while, even for a little short while
a prayer request for good sleep.
My attempt at sleeping early last night to make up for all the sleep debt that I had been accumulating over the last weeks failed miserably. I slept intermittently and woke up at 2:30am, unable to sleep anymore. My eyes were wide open and my mind was alert. I had too many thoughts in my head and I felt so overwhelmed by all these thoughts because it was all over the place and it covered almost every single aspect of my life. It was as if my mind couldn’t and doesn’t stop working. So I pulled out my mobile phone and started typing away. I must have written a pretty long entry because I only stopped at nearly 4am and yet I still couldn’t sleep. So I tossed and turned in bed until it was 5:30am and then when my body couldn’t take it anymore, I finally slept.
When I woke up at 8am, I felt like I didn’t rest at all. Even though I went to bed at 9am!
Sigh.
My cough and blocked nose worsened when I arrived at the office and I could “taste” the mucus in my nose – you somehow know you’re down with something when you taste the “sick” kind of virus-y mucus. I made my way to the doctor’s at 4:30pm and told him about last night’s sleeplessness. And how it has been like this for some time. He told me what I had already guessed. I even googled it last night after writing the note.
I have insomnia.
And for the first time in my life I will be taking sleeping pills and relaxants to help me sleep. My doctor said that this would help to reset my very messed-up body clock. I’ll be on medical leave tomorrow and I really do hope to get uninterrupted slumber tonight.
On one hand, I’m thankful that I have such an active mind but on the other hand, if I go on like this, it will be quite damaging for my body. I’m extremely exhausted, to be honest. I’ve carried around a throbbing headache the entire day and it was so bad that I couldn’t properly prepare cell lesson tonight. I’m also preaching this Saturday. I need to recover!
Pray for me, will you? I just want to sleep well. I badly need the physical rest. Thank you.
top ten reasons to rejoice for our Dawson flat.
As HY and I experience the Dawson saga, it doesn’t just give us the assurance that God has good plans for us, but also that He has the perfect timing. Hence, the best thing we should do, always, is to trust in His gifts and believe in His timing. I will be detailed in this thanksgiving because I want to give God the full glory. This will be a long entry.
The Dawson BTO (Built-To-Order) project was designed by award-winning architects and centrally located in the Queenstown district. As a result, around 10,000 people applied for it, making it over-subscribed by a few times. We applied for a four-room flat because we know that by 2016, we probably would have just started our own family.
There were 1,102 four-room flats available and our queue number was 1,302, meaning we needed 200 applicants to drop out before we were eligible. However, we actually needed more than 200 applicants to drop out because these 1102 units were divided to meet the ethnicity quota. This basically means that we needed Chinese Singaporeans to drop out if we wanted to smell a chance! Nonetheless, we made it by God’s grace and here are ten reasons why we are still rejoicing and praising God for His providence.
I. Balloting Success. By God’s grace we were successful on our first attempt – quite a miracle considering that there people who have repeatedly applied without success. I remember telling HY that the more we had to depend on “luck”, the more confident I was for God is in control and that we need not depend on our achievements.
II. Right Phase of Relationship. Timing was key in our application. We had arrived at a point in our relationship where we were ready to move on to the next phase of our courtship. We felt that we were ready to progress in our relationship.
III. Additional Housing Grant. Couples with a combined income of less than $5,000 would receive additional housing grant (AHG) of up to $40,000 from HDB. Basically, the lower the combined income, the higher the AHG awarded. This worked out perfect for us because by God’s divine timing, we applied for this when HY was a student without income and when I drew the modest salary of my working life. Any earlier and I’d be on a better income, any later, and we’d have been on a higher combined income. Applications for Dawson opened in that perfect window. HDB actually requested for HY’s CPF statements only up to June 2010 – she began work on 1 July and would therefore have CPF contributions from July onwards! Get it?
IV. Staggered Downpayment. HDB created this payment method to encourage couples to settle down at a younger age. Those below 30 years old have the option to pay their deposit (10% of cost of flat) at two intervals – once at flat selection (now) and the other at keys collection (six years later). And as this is completely paid through CPF, it means that our cash-commitment amounts to zero (not because we have a lot in our CPF, but because of the AHG).
V. Queenstown District. One of the factors that helped us to increase our balloting chances was to be situated near one of our parents. To qualify for this, you’d need to stay within a 2km radius of your parents. Ghim Moh is over 4km from Dawson but because both estates belong to the Queenstown town council, we still qualify.
VI. Breakthrough with HY’s Parents. There was no easy way to ask HY’s parents for their approval and support for this application. We were so scared about this that we actually methodically prepared a detailed six-page FAQ as we tried to speculate the questions they might ask, and we even rehearsed the Q&A! This chat also took place at a time when there was slight tension in the family. It really took courage and a step of faith to present this to them. And their response took us by complete surprise, “Actually you don’t need to ask us because it’s your combined decision… But if you ask us, there’s no issue – this is a good deal – go ahead!” W-O-W!
VII. Centrality. In light of the current skyrocket prices of flats, our Dawson flat actually seems affordable (and almost a steal). It’s a great investment no matter how you look at it. One reason why we were attracted to the place was for its location – a 10-minute commute to almost anywhere (Ghim Moh, Holland Village, the Singapore CBD, Orchard Road, Harbourfront, Chinatown and City Hall), leopard-crawling distance to Grace Assembly of God and walking distance to Queenstown MRT.
VIII. Growth Spurt in Faith. We selected the flat on the fourth day of Grace Retreat. We spent most of the two weeks before our selection appointment refreshing the HDB website, checking how fast our quota was depleting. Our appointment was the second-last of the day and at the time of our selection, we were amongst the final 10 Chinese (i.e 10 more remaining units for the Chinese ethnicity). When we left HDB, there were only five units left. By 10am the next day, the Chinese ethnicity quota had completely depleted. Imagine the mental roller-coaster! Despite all that, we managed to select a high floor – 11th – and while it feels like a relatively low floor in a 47-level block, it was much higher than we had expected!
IX. Payment Commences in 2016. Yes, it will take half a decade for the flat to be ready but we see it as a good thing because it means that we’ll have more than enough time for our CPF to swell with nearly six years of monthly contributions. By then, we won’t even need to worry about additional cash injections because we could easily sustain the monthly repayments. This is significant; if we had purchased a resale flat, we’d require around $80,000 liquid cash (how!?) – half for Cash-Over-Valuation (COV) and half for renovations. Thank God we need not worry about that! In fact, we can take our time over to slowly and steadily save for renovations.
X. Housing Loan Eligibility. As this is a BTO, it means that our housing loan eligibility (HLE) would be reassessed when we collect the keys in 2016. This means that our HDB loan would be derived based on our combined income in 2016, instead of now, where it’d be based on only a single income. This is easily a difference of over $200,000 in loans! Can you imagine if we had to borrow that additional amount from a bank to finance a resale flat, or buy a $200,000 flat?
There’s so much more to thank God! For one, we are officially home-owners now and it’s a huge load off our chest. After all, purchasing a house is one of life’s milestones, and for us to nail it at 27 and 23 years old respectively, was beyond our expectations. To know that we’ve overcome this hurdle allows us to focus on building our relationship and making us even stronger than before. God is faithful indeed. All glory to Him alone!
is your advice any good at all?
There’s a difference between good and godly advice. Everyone is able to offer their two-cents’ worth but not everyone makes sense. Therefore, it is important to surround yourself with counsellors who are able to expand your perspectives as well as to offer you solutions (or at least show you the possible consequences of any decision made). We should be cautious in selecting who we hang out with for it usually determines who we become eventually – surround yourself with cynics and you may just become one.
The way of the fool always seem right to him – they will hardly admit that they are wrong; don’t spend too much energy trying to convince them otherwise, but learn to just pray for them and commit them to the Lord. When I see how the advice that I dispense fall on deaf ears, it gives me an idea of how foolish I was when I was younger, and how I have refused and rejected advice. If you want to counsel others, it is important that you are rooted in the Word of God. Wisdom is knowing how to apply biblical principles to everyday situations. Hence, wise counsel and sound advice always comes from the Word.
It is also important that you are a Spirit-filled individual if you want to offer advice to others. I always tell my leaders to pray (silently) in the Spirit (in their hearts) when they talk to youths, and to be sensitive to what the Spirit might possibly prompt them to say instead. It’s imperative that we do not make up advice; for the lack of a better way to phrase it – let’s not bullshit others. There are days that I do not have the answer and when that happens, I will be honest and tell whoever I’m speaking to that I will get back to them a few days later. Don’t trust anyone who’s always got the answer. We must stop whenever and however the Spirit leads and prompts us to, and seek God for an answer first. I remember BH’s advice regarding advice-giving – “If people run to you, you better run to God, otherwise they might think that you are God!”
I try to surround myself with people who know what people are like – basically older and more mature individuals who have seen more people than I have. They give great insight to people and how to deal with those who are more challenging to manage. They teach me how to discern and share their experiences with me. Hence, regardless of how high-up I may rise in a leadership role, it is important that I do not isolate myself, but to surround myself with people who are involved in the right kind of attitude, and those who are like-minded. Having RY and PL to share with me their journey on being a ministry-man and a family-man gives me great leverage to know what to do when I’m faced with similar situations. However, after I receive their advice, I will still consult the Lord first for obeying what the He has set upon my heart to do is of utmost importance.
And then of course, there are those whom you simply trust with your life because you know that they always have your interests at heart. These are people whom have gone through seasons with you and the ones who have proved their consistency and availability in your life – basically, those whom have stood the test of time. He or she could be a best friend, parent, sibling, mentor or partner. Always treasure the value of their opinions simply because they love you without agenda and want the best for you.
In conclusion, in the area of giving and receiving advice, here are the four categories of people whom you should seek and aspire to become:
- Word people
- Spirit people
- People people
- Trustworthy people
These are the people whom you know will dispense good advice and godly counsel.
but what if I cannot connect with youths anymore?
Even though I’ve only been with R-AGE as a full-time staff for nine months, it feels as if I’ve been doing it for nine years. I started serving as a youth leader when I was 17 years old and I “rose” through the “ranks” and have experienced almost every single ministry role before. Before I left for Shanghai, I must have been one of the youth leaders with the highest public profiles – surely everyone knew Joey Asher Tan.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), all these amounted to nothing.
I was severely humbled when I returned for my first Grace Retreat (the one with Life Game) and to my shock and horror (and massive disappointment), there were people who did not know who I was and those who knew me pretended like I didn’t exist – I don’t blame them – being physically away does result in relational drifting, and that is manifested in friendships that are eventually downgraded to acquaintance-ship. I have since learnt that youth ministry is transient and that no leader, however big his or her profile, is indispensable. The reality is, one day youths may forget who RY is or what CX has done for the ministry. I always think that if it could happen to JH, SH, DL or JT (leaders of yesteryear) it could definitely happen to me.
And you know what? I’m actually thankful for that.
It challenges me to think beyond myself and to build for the next generation of leaders and youths, for the future R-AGE and Grace Assembly of God, and ultimately, the next Joey Asher (i.e. the next youth minister who’s going to take over me). And yes, I’ve already identified my potential successor(s). I’m so thankful that this ministry is never going to be about me. And the best thing about it is that it’s not even down to my own choices or “something that I’ve set out to do” but by the innate and proven ephemeral nature of youth ministry. It forces all of us to think beyond today. I absolutely embrace that because I’m in the business of guiding and helping the generations after me to surpass everything I have achieved and will ever establish.
By the way, I’m quite astonished with the way the Spirit leads my pen.
Actually this wasn’t what I had intended to write about today; what I had wanted to share was the advice I gave to AS this afternoon. She asked, “But what if I cannot connect with the youths anymore?” I struggled with exactly that when I first re-joined and attempted to re-connected with R-AGE and I could really identify with her. So I gave her three pointers which I applied to help me overcome this real challenge.
- Ask God to give you a heart to love the youths and hands to serve them.
- Be consistent and always be around for them – to listen to and guide them – they’ll open up to you sure enough.
- Be patient with yourself and give yourself a trial period of at least three months before you evaluate your progress.
I met LW for an early dinner and I was so encouraged by his appetite to learn and grow. This boy’s got immense potential in the ministry and I can’t wait to see him grow into a man of God; it heartens me greatly to know that the ministry is filled with young men who are as hungry as he is; the future of R-AGE looks bright indeed. Praise the Lord!
joey asher | misunderstoodsunshinekid 